Andre Johnson = Santa Claus?

Issue: Fantasy football playoffs?

Short Answer: Not even close...

Reasoning: The holiday season is always filled with great stories of giving.  Thanks to Pro Football Talk for this one:

Andre Johnson brings Christmas to 12 Houston kids

Posted by Michael David Smith on December 4, 2012, 5:54 PM EST

Getty Images

Christmas came early for 12 children in Houston today, when they were treated to Toys R Us shopping sprees courtesy of Texans receiver Andre Johnson.

At an annual Christmas event organized by the Andre Johnson Charitable Foundation, the kids were given shopping carts and told they had 80 seconds (for Johnson’s jersey number) to fill the carts with whatever toys they wanted.

“You hear a minute and twenty seconds and you don’t think that’s a long time, butyou’d be surprised by what these kids can put into their buckets,” Johnson told the Texans’ website.

Johnson’s foundation gladly picked up the tab (which came to $19,521) for the 12 kids, who were chosen by Houston’s Child Protective Services department. All of the children have been taken out of their homes because of parental abuse. Johnson, who has been footing the bill for the annual shopping spree for years, said he has been particularly touched to see that the kids aren’t just thinking of themselves as they grab all the toys they can.

“All the kids that have been here every year have gotten gifts for their brothers and sisters or cousins or whoever,” he said. “It just shows what they go through that they think about others. It shows what type of kids they are.”

And this shows what type of man Andre Johnson is.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Issue: So, what are you thankful for this holiday season?

Short Answer: I'm thankful that the University of Cincinnati still stinks...

Reasoning: I have written about my hatred for the University of Cincinnati many times.  I can't stand them.  It used to be all about the basketball team, but now I pretty much hate everything about them.  Their fans are obnoxious as can be.  This year, since their football team sucks (like they have every year in their existence, except one, in which they were embarrassed by Florida in the Sugar Bowl - but UC fans will tell you that not only would they have beaten Ohio State that year, they had then taken over as the best college football team in Ohio - like, forever) all the chatter is about their basketball team.  Now, I am the first to give credit where credit is due, and the UC basketball team is pretty good this year.  You won't catch me rooting for them anytime soon, but at least it makes their fans sound a little less moronic when they are actually talking smack about a team that has some talent.  Just don't forget, UC fans, that your team is led by a guy named Cashmere.  His brothers Nylon and Polyester weren't good enough for UC, so they had to settle for Division II schools.  Seriously, his name is Cashmere.  But, again, dude has some talent.  Just an awful name.

Alright, now that I got that off my chest, on to the real reason for this Bearcat bashing post.  I take you back a couple weeks ago to when Michael Vick suffered a concussion and was knocked from the game.  Coming on to replace him in that game was rookie QB Nick Fowles.  This was not news in and of itself, but when Vick couldn't return the next week, Fowles started the game for the Eagles.  (I realize you may be confused at this point, but bear with me.)  This is significant because Fowles became only the second QB from the University of Arizona to start a game in the NFL.  Shocking because Arizona has good football teams almost every year and has alumni such as Rob Gronkowski, Teddy Bruschi, Chris McAlister, Lance Briggs, Mike Bell, Antoine Cason, Chuck Cecil, Dennis Northcutt, and Antonio Pierce all who play or have played in the NFL.  The only other Arizona Wildcat to start at QB in the NFL was Bill Demory who started 3 games for the New York Jets in 1973.  Crazy stuff.  So, what does this have to do with UC?  I'm glad you asked (or, I'm glad I just asked myself).

The Wall Street Journal grabbed onto this story and published a list of colleges and how many starts QB's from those colleges have made in NFL history.  At the top of the list is Purdue.  Drew Brees, Jim Everett, and Bob Griese all help put the Boilermakers there.  Surprising, but not overly surprising.  The rest of the top 10 is also surprising, but nothing really blows your mind.  Washington (Warren Moon, Chris Chandler), Miami (Vinny Testaverde, Jim Kelly), USC (Carson Palmer, Rodney Peete), Notre Dame (Joe Montana, Joe Theismann), Stanford (John Elway, Jim Plunkett), Michigan (Tom Brady, Jim Harbaugh), UCLA (Troy Aikman, Jim Schroeder), Oregon (Dan Fouts, Chris Miller), and Maryland (Boomer Esiason, Neil O'Donnell) round out the top 10.  The surprises are the one's that fall further down the list.  T.J. Yates is the only North Carolina Tarheel to ever start a game in the NFL, and he's only started 5.  My beloved Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets have had only one former player start at QB in the NFL.  His name was Mike Kelley, and he started one game for the San Diego Chargers in 1987. And then there is the University of Cincinnati.  The storied program who can't even sell out a 35,000 seat stadium.  The historic program that has exactly 7 bowl wins in their entire history (with wins over Utah State (1997), Marshall (2004), Western Michigan (2006), Southern Miss (2007) and Vanderbilt (2011).  How have these guys been overlooked for National Championship consideration?!?!).  So, how many games have former Bearcat QB's started in the NFL?  You guessed it - ZERO.  Not one.  Shocking, I know.  I'm a little worried about how happy that stat makes me.  And here I thought Tony Pike was going to lead the Panthers to a Super Bowl.  Or not.

For the entire list, click here.  Just make sure you scroll ALL THE WAY DOWN to see where the Bearcats sit.

NFL Playoff Outlook

Issue: You failed miserably at that "writing more posts in December" thing, didn't you?

Short Answer: Yes I did.

Reasoning: The holidays are a busy time.  And, when I'm not busy over the holidays, I am very lazy.  Hence the fact that I haven't written a post in over 2 weeks.  I always get ideas, and I even write them down, but then time passes, and I miss my window to write about current events.  No one wants to read a post about an event that happened weeks ago, right?  Plus, blogging (for free, remember) is so easy to put off, and put off, and put off.  Plus, I only have 50+ readers, so there isn't a lot of clamoring going on: "Hey, why hasn't Jason posted on his blog in a while??  I'm really missing reading his posts."  But, I do miss writing sometimes, so, you will have to continue reading...every few weeks or so.

In this post, I will write about, and predict the future of the NFL Playoffs.  How am I qualified to do so?  Well, I'm not, but if an assbag like Chris Berman can do it, then I figure I can too.  But, I will say this: I watch the NFL every weekend, and not just the games on TV.  I follow every game because I am addicted to fantasy football, which also means I am reading about the NFL the other 6 days of the week.  I also won 2 of the 3 fantasy football leagues I was in this year (yes, that is just a shameless plug for me being the best fantasy player on the planet), so, I'm pretty good at this stuff.  Anyway, without further ado, my opinion on the NFL Playoffs:

THE NON-CONTENDERS

• DENVER BRONCOS - Not only do they have to play Pittsburgh in the first round, their quarterback sucks, terribly.  Tim Tebow finds a way to will his team to victory sometimes, but he has no idea how to lead his team to victory the way he should, by playing quarterback.  I wrote about him earlier, and I refuse to bash him like others do, but, alas, he blows.  The Broncos will get embarrassed in round 1.
• ATLANTA FALCONS - Wait, they made the playoffs?  Don't they suck?  Yes, they do.  Matt Ryan was the biggest quarterback fantasy bust of the year (except for when I played him in the first round of the playoffs, and he threw for 4 touchdowns), and Michael Turner wasn't his usual self.  Roddy White and Julio Jones are studs, but the Falcons are just an average team with no chance at a Super Bowl.
• DETROIT LIONS - It's nice to see the Lions back in the playoffs, and it was nice of Matt Stafford to single-handedly win me one of my fantasy leagues.  However, the Lions defense couldn't stop my high school's offense right now, and, by the way, they play the Saints in the first round.  At least the Lions will get to start playing golf next week.
• HOUSTON TEXANS - Not only do they start a rookie QB, but he started the year as a third-string rookie QB, BEHIND Matt Leinart.  Ouch.  They did sign Jake Delhomme off of his couch, and he played well Sunday, but, in the end, the Texans just don't have the punch to beat the top teams.
• CINCINNATI BENGALS - This pains me to write, but it's unfortunately true.  As good as Andy Dalton has been this year, a rookie QB just can't take a team like this to the Super Bowl.  I do think we beat the Texans in the first round, but we don't have the offensive power to score with the Patriots, nor the defensive power to stop them.  I can tell you this though - the Bengals are contenders for the next decade.  There are a lot of good young players on this team, and they will only get better.  Who Dey!

THE TWEENERS

• NEW YORK GIANTS - They have the whole package: a good running game, great receivers, a good quarterback, and a decent defense (they put a lot of pressure on the quarterback).  Remember, they did beat the 18-0 Patriots a few years ago when no one expected them to do anything.  As long as Eli doesn't panic in the pocket and turn the ball over (doubtful at this point), they have a chance to surprise some people.  Remember too that, besides the AFC North, the NFC East is the toughest division in the NFL.  Winning that division is no small feat.  The Giants should be ready to go.  And they get to play the Falcons in the first round.  Might as well have a bye.
• SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS - For two reasons: defense and Jim Harbaugh.  The Niners defense is tough.  Patrick Willis is probably the best linebacker in the NFL.  Jim Harbaugh has Alex Smith believing he is a good quarterback (what can I say, the man is a miracle worker).  I promise you this, no one wants to play this team.  I don't think they can win the Super Bowl, but, at the beginning of the year, no one thought they would even make the playoffs.  Watch out for these guys.
• PITTSBURGH STEELERS - Usually the Steelers would be in the "Contenders" category, but not this year.  Rashard Mendenhall is out.  Ben Roethlisberger is gimpy (and fat and ugly).  The defense is beat up, and James Harrison will probably kill someone soon.  They do get a warm-up game in the first round against the Broncos, which will lead to a game with the Ravens or Patriots, both of whom I think beat the Steelers.  I could be wrong, but I just can't get myself to write about the Steelers as a contender.  I don't want to throw up on my keyboard.

THE CONTENDERS

• NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS - Never has a team with a defense so bad, contended for a Super Bowl.  But, these Patriots can.  Heck, they are the #1 seed in the AFC, so, apparently they are doing something right.  Tom Brady and his offensive weapons (re: Rob Gronkowski, Aaron Hernandez, and Wes Welker) can beat anyone at anytime.  That is, if their defense doesn't give up 100.  I am rooting for them to lose, and lose early (Bengals in round 2????), but it wouldn't surprise me to see them lifting the Vince Lombardi Trophy, once again.
• BALTIMORE RAVENS - Their defense is getting old, but is still the strong suit of their team, and, defense wins championships.  Ray Rice is a great weapon to have, especially when your quarterback pretty much stinks.  I hate the Ravens more than I hate the Steelers, so that is all I am writing.  If they win the Super Bowl I will be pissed.  Really pissed.
• GREEN BAY PACKERS - Duh.  This team is unreal.  Aaron Rogers is already one of the best quarterbacks ever.  I love watching him play.  Their running game isn't great, but, really?  They have Aaron Rogers.  Their receivers are great.  Their defense gives up yards but not points.  The Packers are the team to beat, but, the fact that I still have one team left, means I don't think they win the Super Bowl.  In fact, they may not even get there, because...

THE WINNER

• NEW ORLEANS SAINTS - This team is ridiculous.  Drew Brees is just as good as Aaron Rogers.  Defenses cannot stop the Saints.  Plus, they are a hot team right now.  They are riding high after breaking 6 million NFL records this year.  And, teams that have a first round bye don't do historically well.  The Saints playing in the first round will allow them to stay sharp - perhaps sharper than any of the other teams.  Drew Brees and the Saints will earn their second ring this year, and it will be fun to watch.

There you have it folks!  I have predicted it for you, so there is one thing I can guarantee - it will happen exactly the opposite of the way I said.  That is just the way it goes.  Enjoy the playoffs!!  Who Dey!!

It's Tebow Time...

Issue: You come up with that title yourself?

Short Answer: It's actually meant to be sung, to the tune of the Flight of the Concords "It's Business Time".

Reasoning: If you don't know who Tim Tebow is, then what are you doing reading a sports blog?  Go do something else, now.  It's funny, because when I watch ESPN (begrudgingly) they ramble on about how Tim Tebow is the talk of the country.  Everyone is talking about him, they say.  Well, this is true, but it doesn't help that you guys (ESPN) dedicate at least half of every SportsCenter to Tim Tebow.  But, since ESPN has forced Tim Tebow down our throats, I guess it is time for me to chime in.  So, against my better judgment, here goes.

Tim Tebow is one of the most polarizing athletes of our time, or any time.  Chuck Klosterman wrote this fantastic article on grantland.com, about that exact point.  Instead of reiterating his points, I am going to give you my own.  First, I don't like Tim Tebow.  It all started in 2008, when he was in college and the Florida Gators lost a home game.  He stepped up to the podium in the press conference afterwards and gave what some people consider a great speech:

"To the fans and everybody in Gator Nation, I'm sorry.  I'm extremely sorry.  We were hoping for an undefeated season.  That was my goal, something that Florida has never done here.  I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this.  You will never see any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of the season.  You will never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of the season.  You will never see a team play harder than we will the rest of the season.  God Bless."

Where to start?  1) This speech should have been given in the locker room, not in a press conference; 2) The speech sucks, it is not motivational - only ESPN said it was great; 3) Players should play hard and push each other in EVERY game, not just after an upset loss at home; 4) Florida immortalized this speech in a plaque outside their athletic association, which I think is beyond ridiculous; 5) If one of my teammates ever gave this speech, I would probably kick his ass - it's cheesy.  One of the other main reasons I don't like Tim Tebow is because he played for the Florida Gators, and, I hate the Florida Gators.  I also don't like his outward displays of faith.  NO, I DON'T THINK IT'S WRONG.  I just think, like people don't go to church to hear about blitzes and Cover 2 defenses, people don't go to football games to hear about God.  Plus, let's say for a quick second that you were God, and could do anything you wanted, would you really watch the Broncos game?  As faithful as Tim Tebow has been, I guess it's not out of the question (this was all meant to be very facetious, just so you know).

Second, I don't dislike Tim Tebow.  What's to dislike?  He is an obviously phenomenal person.  You can hear it in the way he talks.  He is genuine and engaging.  He is always smiling.  Plus, he is a winner.  He won at Florida and now he is winning in Denver.  Sure, it may not always look pretty, but isn't the game about having more wins than losses?  As they say in baseball "there are no pictures in the score book" or in golf "there are no pictures on the scorecard".  Well, at the end of a game, only the talking heads at ESPN are going to tell us what the game looked like, but, last time I checked, it didn't matter.  If Tim Tebow was 7-1 as a starter while wearing a Cincinnati Bengals uniform, I know I would love it, no matter how it looked.  A great human being who also wins football games...what's not to like?

Here is the way I really feel about Tim Tebow - I am completely indifferent.  I'm a football guy, period.  I love to watch the NFL because they are the best football players on the planet.  Think Aaron Rogers, Drew Brees, Tom Brady.  Somehow, I can't fit Tim Tebow in there, no matter what his record is.  Watching him play quarterback is like watching someone puke all over themselves.  It's gross.  Before you start saying "but he wins football games!" just see above.  I already said that.  That doesn't make it any easier to watch.  If the Broncos are playing on TV, I'm hoping there is another game on I can watch, that has a quarterback, not a fullback playing quarterback.  But, in full disclosure, I will turn the Broncos game back on with 5 minutes left, because that is when the will of Tebow starts to take over.  It doesn't make sense, I don't think it will last forever, but it has been fun to see so far.  I don't go around reading about Tim Tebow, watching Tim Tebow highlights (I use that word very cautiously when associating it with Tebow), or seeking out all things Tebow.  I honestly don't care.  And, judging by how much press he is getting, I may be the only one.

The Oddest Stat, Ever?

Issue: Judging by the title, this better be good.

Short Answer: It is unreal...

Reasoning: Sports are polarizing.  There are teams we all love (Buckeyes, Bengals, Reds, Yellow Jackets, etc.), and teams we all hate (Wolverines, Bulldogs (Georgia, just in case you may have forgotten), Bearcats, Fighting Irish, Hurricanes, Seminoles, Ravens, Steelers, Browns, Yankees, Red Sox, all of the NBA, etc.).  If you don't love or hate the teams I just listed, then, well, you're crazy.  Deal with it.  People usually hate teams because they're good.  Seriously, no one hates the Pittsburgh Pirates because why would you waste your time and effort hating a team that is basically irrelevant?  Alright, I do hate the Browns, who are obviously irrelevant, but they reside in the same state as my Bengals, so it's not a waste of time to hate them.  So, geography can play a part in the hating of teams.  It's the same reason I hate the irrelevant Indians too.

Some of the teams listed above are what I would consider "polarizing" teams.  Let's take the New York Yankees, for example.  You either love them or hate them.  There is no in-between.  If you love them, I don't like you.  If you hate them, you are an intelligent, rational person, who obviously has a vast knowledge of sports.  The Pittsburgh Steelers are the same way.  If you like them, you were probably born short a few (or millions) of brain cells, and the one's you were born with have been killed off by malted hops and bong resin.  If you hate them, you are a productive member of society and you should be rewarded for your level-headedness.  Perhaps one of the most polarizing teams in the history of college football is the Miami Hurricanes.  If you haven't seen the ESPN 30 for 30 entitled "The U" do yourself a favor and watch it.  It will either reaffirm your love for that crooked University or reaffirm your hate for it.  For me, it reaffirmed my hate.  Actually, it probably made me hate them more.  But, if there is one thing you have to admit, love or hate Miami, is they have produced more great football players than any University, anywhere.

Now comes the paragraph (probably the last of this post) where I tell you how good the University of Miami has been at putting players in the NFL:

• They hold the record for
• Most players drafted in the 1st round of a single NFL draft - 6 in 2004;
• Most players drafted in the 1st round of consecutive NFL drafts - 11 in 2003, 2004;
• Most players drafted in the 1st round of three consecutive drafts - 15 from 2002-2004;
• Most players drafted in the 1st round of four consecutive drafts - 19 from 2001-2004
• In a 14-year period (1994-2008), they had at least one player drafted in the 1st round;
• Since 1999, they have had 67 players drafted into the NFL, 2nd in the nation behind THE Ohio State University (What?  You know I wasn't going to leave that out.);
• Of those 67 players, 33 were drafted in the 1st round - the most of any school (yes, even more than the Buckeyes);
• The 2001 Hurricanes team had 17 players go on to play in the NFL.

So, basically, The U is a factory which produces NFL players.  Ex-Hurricanes are everywhere on NFL teams.  I say this only because the stat I am about to give you is RIDICULOUS and UNBELIEVABLE.  Here it is: Week 11 of the NFL (this past week) saw a streak end, that will never be matched again - a player from the University of Miami had scored a touchdown, in the NFL, every single week, since Week 15 of the 2002 season.  Seriously.  I'm not joking.  That is 149 consecutive weeks.  Almost 10 years.  You know what the longest current streak now is?  The University of Pittsburgh, at 13 (thanks LeSean McCoy!).  They only need 136 more weeks, and they will equal Miami.  I have no words for how impressive this streak is.  It truly is unbelievable.  Too bad I hate them so much, or I might actually care.

NFL Draft (the REAL one)

Issue: Day 1 is over, any thoughts?

Short Answer: Too many to fit into one post, and most have nothing to do with football.

Reasoning: I have written about mock drafts on this blog before.  But, when the draft finally does arrive, mock drafts and the people who compile them, make my blood boil.  Day one of the NFL Draft has come and gone (so has day two), and the only thing I can tell you is I can't wait until Todd McShay, Adam Schefter, and Mel Kiper (and Chris Mortensen and Chris Berman for that matter) go do...whatever it is they do when they aren't "breaking down film," or "grading players," or "doing anything worthwhile."  I guess it speaks to the American public's obsession with having to know everything, not as it happens, but before it happens, that people like McShay, Schefter, and Kiper have jobs.  And well-paying jobs at that (I'm guessing).  Let me make this simple: would you ever want to go have a beer with any of the three "analyists"?  It could be fun for awhile, but seriously, how annoying would they get?  Check please.

Now, let me make this clear, I do not blame the douchefecta (it's shorter than typing all three of their names every time) for completely bombing their mock drafts (I realize Schefter doesn't do mock drafts, but I can't stand him, so I am grouping him in with the two others, who I also can't stand).  Picking a draft correctly, before it actually happens, is like hitting a lottery where you have to pick 32 numbers out of an unlimited pool of numbers.  I did the math on this, and the odds are: 1 in a crapload.  It is absolutely, positively impossible.  Yet, each member of the douchefecta (it is starting to grow on me too) is paid a hefty salary (again, I'm guessing) to tell the sports-watching American public who is going to pick who, and when.  How has it come to this?  How has ESPN been able to shove this sort of thing down our throats?  Mock drafts never end, and every single one of them is complete crap, so why are people paid to compile them?

Take, for example, the mock draft put together by Todd McShay, esteemed member of the douchefecta, on February 10, 2011.  Yes, that's correct, I said February.  I'm not sure why they are doing mock drafts in February (or ever, if you haven't noticed) either.  How can I get a job like this?  Anyway, on February 10 McShay published this piece, with Clemson DE Da'Quan Bowers going #1 overall to the Panthers.  In reality (not in mock draft fantasy land) Bowers was finally taken in the second round by the Buccaneers, with the 51st overall pick.  Now, there are reasons for the discrepancy, first and foremost, concerns over a lingering knee injury.  But, isn't that reason enough to scrap the mock drafts?  You have to think the reason the douchefecta works so hard at what they do is so they don't look like complete idiots in front of the entire world.  Too late.  Anytime you project a player to be picked first, and he goes 51st, you should automatically be fired.  Or tarred and feathered.  Or both. 

To give credit where credit is due, both McShay and Kiper did nail the #1 pick.  They both (in their latest mock drafts, that is) had Cam Newton going to the Panthers with the first pick.  And that, after hours, days, weeks, and months of work, is about the only thing either of them got correct.  When do the 2012 mock drafts start?  I bet Kiper has one coming out on Monday, if he doesn't already have one out.  Sad.

The National Football Losers

Issue: Who are the losers, the players or the owners?

Short Answer: The fans.

Reasoning: Because we have to listen to this crap, all day, every day, until this thing gets worked out.  The fans aren't the losers in this situation because we may not get to watch football, bet on football, play fantasy football, etc., but because we have to listen to the players and owners tell us how sorry they are that they couldn't get a deal done.  Any self-respecting fan knows that they are full of it.  The players and owners know that the fans will come back whenever they decide to stop acting like children, so when they are at the negotiating table, the fans are the last thing on their minds.  If this weren't true, a deal would be done already.  You know it and I know it.  The NFL realizes they have made billions of dollars every year because the game is so unique - there is nothing else like it in the world, and we as fans love it too much to walk away.  As Mike Florio says at http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/, "The question for the league and its players — who share responsibility for this lockout no matter what they say — is whether fan anger could possibly turn to ambivalence.   They don’t think it will happen."  The NFL has become a victim of its own success.

Speaking of http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/, if you want to know what is really going on with this lockout, that is the place to get your information.  Mike Florio, who writes most of the posts at the site, is a lawyer (formerly) and can make sense of all the legal mumbo-jumbo that is going on.  I have also been trained as a lawyer (not very well, I might add), and I took a class in antitrust law, so I also have an idea of what is going on.  Kinda.  Antitrust law exists in this country to encourage competition and to stifle monopolies.  Our government does not want any one person, company, entity, etc. to be able to keep others out of the capitalist mix.  Easy example: let's say you live in a rural Iowa town (meaning you live miles and miles and miles from everything - including civilization - trust me, I've been there).  Now, in this town there are only 2 gas stations - and not another around for miles (see, told ya).  These 2 gas stations get together and decide since they are the only one's selling gas within a 100-mile radius, maybe they should jack up the price (yes, even higher than the $3.50 it is right now).  So, they start selling gas at $8.50/gallon.  This is a violation of antitrust laws.  Those 2 gas stations are attempting to create a monopoly, which is illegal.  Well then, what do antitrust laws have to do with the NFL labor dispute?  Good question.

You see, under the Sherman Antitrust Act, unions are exempt from antitrust laws.  Basically, if you are the member of a union you are allowed to collude on issues such as fair labor practices, salaries, benefits, etc.  which, without a union, violates antitrust laws.  You follow?  The National Football League Players Association, headed by DeMaurice Smith (I'm sure you've heard his name enough over the last few weeks), is a union.  They exist to make sure the players in the NFL are taken care of and treated fairly.  But, if there is a union, which is exempt from antitrust laws, how can the players (which include Tom Brady, Drew Brees, and Peyton Manning) file an antitrust lawsuit?  Another good question - you must be following this fairly well so far.  Well, what the players did was decertify their union.  They disbanded it.  The NFLPA no longer exists.  So, players are free to file an antitrust lawsuit against the owners.  You see, if 32 separate business entities are "colluding" to keep these innocent (yes I am being facetious) players off the field, then that is a violation of antitrust laws.  Seem fishy?  I agree.  The players have a union to protect them, but when the union isn't getting what they want, they decertify and sue.  Crap.

Since the lockout began (and even before that) players were blaming owners and owners were blaming players.  My theory is the players believe that the common fan will side with them (the billionaires vs. millionaires argument), so they pretended to be negotiating the entire time, but had their eyes on litigation from the beginning.  The players union (formerly) knew the owners weren't going to give them everything they wanted, so they figured they would have a better chance in a courtroom.  The players were set on decertifying from the very beginning.  Some may view this as a "sham" (I know I do - and almost everyone should).  However, as Mike Florio explains, the owners, in the last collective bargaining agreement, gave up the right to challenge the decertification as a "sham" in certain instances.  "The problem for the players [as to decertification] is that Article LVII, Section 3(a) of the CBA required them to wait six months before filing an antitrust lawsuit if they failed to file it before the expiration of the labor deal."  The players didn't file before the CBA expired and they didn't wait six months after it expired - which means the owners will use the "sham" defense in court.  Now, just because you and I know the decertification of the NFLPA was a sham, doesn't mean it can be proven in court.  Unless the union was dumb enough to put the "sham" into writing somewhere (an e-mail, a letter, on tape, etc.), then it will actually be fairly tough for the owners to prove.  If they do prove it, then the players remain locked out and the fans are stuck with their thumbs up their you-know-where while we wait for the players and owners to negotiate, on their own, a new collective bargaining agreement.  And the players have already proven they are going to drive a hard bargain, maybe hard enough to where they sit out the entire season.  Great.

The bright side?  It's only March.  I hope the players and owners aren't as dumb as we think.  A deal will get done.  Hopefully sooner rather than later.  This is basketball season and I'm tired of these whiny gajillionaires on my television.  I want to watch the kids who don't get paid (allegedly) play some basketball.

Nick Lachey (I Kid You Not)

Issue: Dude, please don't tell me that you are writing about teen idols now?

Short Answer: Only if relevant.

Reasoning: Many of you readers out there that are from Cincinnati, know that many in this city claim Nick Lachey as a hometown hero (I do not.  Boy-band members never count on my list of heroes.  Pete Rose, yes.  Nick Lachey, no.).  However, back in the day when Jessica Simpson was still relevant (and smokin' hot) I did tune into her and Nick's reality show on MTV occasionally (dude, she was REALLY hot back in the day), and I gained some newfound respect for Lachey.  As hot as Jessica was, you could tell how frustrated he was with how utterly stupid she was (and, I assume, still is).  Other than that though, I do not necessarily respect any other "work" that Lachey has done.  But, he is still an outspoken fan of the Queen City, and often wears the gear of the University of Cincinnati, and the Cincinnati Reds and Bengals in public, for the world to see, which I do enjoy.  However, I am always skeptical of a boy-band member's sports knowledge (I mean, really?).  In a post on ESPN.com on February 14, that I'm sure most (if not everyone) missed, Nick Lachey, former member of 98 degrees (haha), showed that he is probably a better general manager than Mike Brown (then again, who isn't?).  Instead of summarizing, I am going to re-post*.  Try to remember that this is Nick Lachey speaking, and, the fact is, I think I agree with everything he says:

Nick, let's start with some background. How long have you been a Bengals fan and what were some of your best and early memories?

Nick Lachey: I've been a Bengals fan for the better part of 30 years. The first season I can remember getting interested in football was the year we went to our first Super Bowl against the 49ers. That was the era of Ken Anderson, Cris Collinsworth, Isaac Curtis, Pete Johnson, etc. That season, two things were born: A lifelong passion for the Bengals and an absolute hatred of the 49ers. They remain a thorn in the Bengals' side.

Who is your favorite Bengal of all time? Why?

Nick Lachey: My favorite Bengal of all time is easily Anthony Munoz. Aside from being the greatest offensive lineman that ever played the game, he is also the Bengals' lone representative in the NFL Hall of Fame. As intimidating as he was on the field, he has always been the most approachable and respectful person off of it. I remember meeting him as a young boy and being shocked by how nice he was to me. As a native Cincinnatian, I have a great deal of respect for how he has embraced our community as well. He has chosen to continue to call Cincinnati home long after his playing days and has done a great deal for the city there. As great as he was as a player, I can easily say he is an even greater human being.

With the high expectations coming in, where would last season rank for you among Bengal disappointments?

Nick Lachey: I think this last year was the most disappointing season in the history of the franchise for me. Certainly there were more pathetic seasons for Bengal fans in terms of record, but none with as many expectations as we had for the team in 2010. I think the most frustrating aspect for me was that we seemed to be in every game, and simply found a way to lose. We never really got blown out but made just enough mistakes and committed enough foolish penalties to take ourselves out of the game. I can handle being soundly beaten by better teams, but beating ourselves was difficult to stomach.

Quarterback Carson Palmer wants out and threatens to retire. Were you surprised? As GM, Nick, how would you handle this situation?

Nick Lachey: I was surprised by Carson's comments simply because he has been so hesitant to step up and say anything in the past. There have been many situations in the past few seasons when you would want and expect your highly paid franchise QB to step up and be the leader of the team, on and off the field. Carson has never been willing to be that guy. He remained silent, seemingly willing to let the chips fall where they may, collect his check and go home. I remember the days of Boomer Esiason, and let's just say I wish Carson had more of Boomer in him. Now, when Carson decides that he doesn't want to deal with it anymore, he finally shows the backbone Bengal fans have long waited to see and makes an ultimatum to be traded or retire. I'm the first to admit that the Bengals can be a tough team to play for at times, but they also made you the highest-paid player in the NFL at the time and you owe it to them and the fans to show some resolve, be a leader and fight through it. Being a very highly compensated franchise QB in the NFL is more than learning terminology and throwing passes. It's about being a leader, and Carson has proven that he cannot be that. If there is a team that thinks he is worth trading for, do it.

Building off that subject, how would you characterize the current state of the franchise?

Nick Lachey: ABYSMAL! Now that I'm done assaulting Carson, let me also explain why I can't blame him for being fed up. Short of the Los Angeles Clippers, who I also happen to be a fan of, the Bengals may be the most poorly run franchise in professional sports. Since Mike Brown has taken over, we've been the laughingstock of the league, all the while supported by a fan base that has refused to give up on the team. After years, even decades of "bungled" draft picks, unfortunate injuries, and off the field embarrassments, I see this as a breaking point for the Bengals and the fans in Cincinnati. People are tired of giving their hard-earned money to a team that seemingly cares more about growing the family fortune than it does about competing for a championship. So many years of futility has created an atmosphere of perpetual losing that no player wants to be a part of, Carson being the latest example. I feel bad for the players and the community that supports them. I think it's time for Mike Brown to admit he's not the football man he thinks he is and hire people who are. As an owner, I think you owe it to the fans who have so loyally supported your team and made you a lot of money in the process to field the best team possible. I think we can safely say that a team that has Mike Brown making personnel decisions is certainly not the best team possible. If he did the right thing and hired someone to take over those duties, he would instantly go from being Cincinnati's public enemy No. 1 to its newfound hero. Hope is a powerful thing, and as Bengal fans, that is all we're asking for.

Lastly, as the most high-profile Bengals fan out there, what message would you have for other Bengals fans who are losing hope?

Nick Lachey: As Bengal fans, we have endured so much over the past 20-plus seasons, with little in the way of satisfaction. We have paid for a new stadium, signed up for public seat licenses and continued to sell out a stadium for a team that has seldom performed to expectations. I have leased a suite for the past five seasons and commuted back and forth from Los Angeles to watch the team I love, many times flying back feeling as if the joke were on me. My message to the fans in Cincinnati would be this -- the power is in our hands. It's time that, as a fan base, we demand more from the team we so passionately love and support. Cincinnati is a rabid football town and we deserve to have a team that cares about winning as much as we do. As hard as it is, the only way we can show our resolve is to quit blindly supporting the same old dysfunctional, losing cycle that is the Mike Brown Bengals. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein said that and he was a pretty smart guy from what I've heard. Bengal fans, don't go insane.

*Thanks to James Walker, author of the AFC North blog @ ESPN.com (full article is above, but here is the link, just in case you want it/need it/don't believe Nick Lachey really said all these things).

The (Belated) Odd Stat of the Week

Issue: So, you do realize you didn't have an Odd Stat of the Week last week, huh?

Short Answer: I was torn...

Reasoning: You may have noticed some changes to Uncommonly Sports recently.  Last week I added a Facebook "Like" box to the page (after a bout with attempting to make a Facebook "fan" page, but instead making a "group" page and causing all sorts of people to receive e-mails they never signed up for and possibly forever losing them as loyal readers - thanks to Facebook, for that humbling experience); and I also added "labels" in the right-hand column, which give the reader folders full of posts with like content.  And I noticed an abnormality - 16 NFL posts.  The next closest is college football, with 8.  Granted, when I started this blog football was in full-swing, and it only makes sense that I would write about it the most.  So, last week I came upon a few "stats" that I thought were worthy of the "Odd Stat of the Week" moniker.  One of them NFL, one of them college basketball.  Since the NFL has completed its season, I thought I should do the college basketball post.  And then, I thought, screw it.  One more NFL post won't hurt anyone (I hope).

There have been a plethora of game-changing plays in Super Bowl history.  Who can forget (Super Bowl number in parentheses) Lynn Swann's juggling catch against the Cowboys (X), or Marcus Allen's 74-yard touchdown run against the Redskins (XVIII), or David Tyree's impossible catch against his helmet to take down the undefeated (almost) Patriots (XLII), or Desmond Howard's 99-yard kickoff return for a touchdown to give Brett Farve his only Super Bowl victory (XXXI), or John Riggins shredding the Dolphins defense, on a 4th-and-1, for a 43-yard touchdown (XVII), or Joe Montana's touchdown pass to John Taylor with under a minute to go against the Bengals (XXIII - curse you Barney Bussey!), or Santonio Holmes' amazing catch and tap-both-feet-down-in-the-corner-of-the-endzone against the Cardinals (XLIII), or John Elway getting spun around like a top but still picking up the 1st down, leading his Brocos over the Packers (XXXII)?  But, none of these plays were as game-changing as the good old, run-of-the-mill (if that's possible) pick-to-the-house.

See, in Super Bowl history, teams that have had an interception return for a touchdown, are now 11-0.  In fact, the last three Super Bowl winners have had one - Nick Collins for the Packers this year, Tracy Porter for the Saints last year, and James Harrison's 100-yarder against the Cardinals the year before.  Basically, you can take all of your fancy catches, tough runs, great tackles, pressure-packed field goals, and, chuck them out the window.  Forget everything.  Teams should take the entire two weeks before the Super Bowl and work on intercepting footballs and then finding a member of the other team to put on the ground.  Invent a new defense that contains 8 defensive backs, where all players are going for that decisive pick-six.  Alright, maybe not.  The stat does make sense, as an interception for a touchdown is a momentum-shifter and a morale-crusher.  But, you would think one team, somewhere in 45 Super Bowls, would do it in a losing effort.  I have no doubt that if the Bengals ever get back to the Super Bowl, they will be the first to accomplish this feat.

The Bungles

Issue: Since you are from Cincinnati, and you are a Bengals fan, does that mean I have to read about them?

Short Answer: Yes.  It does.

Reasoning: Because they piss me off.  The end.  Totally kidding.  It is because the rest of the football watching world cannot possibly understand what it's like to be a Bengals fan.  Alright, I will give some deference to Lions fans out there (anyone?  anyone?).  The latest in the long line of colossal mistakes by the Bengals front office (re: Mike Brown) is the hiring of Jay Gruden as offensive coordinator.  Jay played football in the Arena League and coached in the Arena League.  His only NFL experience came...wait for it...in Tampa Bay, under his brother Jon.  Let's be honest, having Jon Gruden as an older brother is really what Jay is known for.  Which got me to thinking...have the Bengals ever engaged in nepotism before?  And, how did that turn out for them (thanks to Mike P. for the idea - swiped it from his Facebook status)?

To clarify, http://www.dictionary.com/ defines nepotism as "patronage bestowed or favoritism shown on the basis of family relationship, as in business and politics."  I believe the Bengals have engaged in this practice a time or two, with Jay Gruden being the latest example.  Let's take a look at some others, ranked from least egregious to most egregious:

1. Katie Blackburn - She is the daughter of Mike Brown (we will get to him later) and the Executive Vice President of the Cincinnati Bengals.  I'm not sure what the Executive Vice President actually does, except, you know, help promulgate a losing franchise.  Actually, what she does do is act as the chief negotiator for the Bengals.  She did go to law school (as did I) and she did probably take a class on negotiation (as did I - it was called "Alternative Dispute Resolution") and her last name is "Brown" (in Cincinnati, that is not a good thing (no offense to someone out there with the last name "Brown" who is NOT related to this family)), so that means she (like I?) is qualified to negotiate professional football contracts, right?  Wrong.  She does fall at #1 on the list (meaning the least egregious) because she never shows up negatively in the news.  Oh, except for the one time she admitted rooting for the Steelers in the playoffs.  Alright, she sucks.
2. Jordan Palmer - You know you suck at football when this is what your Wikipedia page looks like.  Sad.  For you non-Bengals fans (probably most everyone by now), Jordan Palmer is Carson's brother, and the Bengals back-up QB.  He lead UTEP to one bowl game in 4 years as the starter.  He was drafted by the Washington Redskins in 2007, got cut, signed with the Arizona Rattlers of the Arena League, then signed with you-know-who after the 2008 season.  His career NFL statistics*: 10-15(!) for 59 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT, 4 sacks, 1 rush for 4 yards.  Yes, this is the Bengals back-up QB.  Welcome to the hell that is being a Bengals fan.
3. Dave Shula - Dave is the son of former coach Don Shula, who many consider one of the greatest coaches ever (he lead the 1972 Dolphins to an undefeated season and Super Bowl Championship).  Since Don was so good, obviously his son would be good, right?  So wrong it's not even funny.  The parallels between Dave Shula and Jay Gruden are actually quite scary.  Jay Gruden got his start because his brother hired him in Tampa Bay; Dave Shula's first job was under...wait for it...his father Don in Miami in 1982.  In 1989, Jimmy Johnson hired Dave as Offensive Coordinator, but after two years on the job, he was demoted.  So, what did the Bengals do?  Hired him as the Assistant Head Coach in 1991, and then gave him the Head Coach job in 1992, at age 32 (watch out Marvin, looks like Jay Gruden will be the Head Coach pretty soon).  The Bengals, not surprisingly, went 19-53 during the Dave Shula era - and average of about 4 wins a year.  Everyone knows the Bengals were terrible during that stretch, but, realize that Dave Shula had no business running the show in the first place.  Which leads me to...
4. Mike Brown - The biggest idiot in NFL history.  He is the son of legendary football-man Paul Brown, who is credited with the founding of both the Cleveland Browns and Cincinnati Bengals.  Allow me to let Geoff Hobson, the official Bengals beat writer to explain more about Paul Brown**: "Paul Brown has to be on the Mount Rushmore of NFL coaches. From 1946 to 1955 he led Cleveland to 10 straight championship games in two leagues. Not only that, he founded two teams, the facemask, playbooks, the draw play, year-round coaching staffs, and the 40-yard dash while putting the word 'Pro' in 'Football'. Three years after giving birth to the Bengals he coached them into the 1970 playoffs for the quickest postseason bid for an expansion team until the Jaguars and Panthers emerged in the '90s with an unlimited checkbook."  No one, and I mean no one, is heaping any like-praise on his son, Mike Brown.  I typed "Mike Brown" + "Bengals" into google and http://www.mikebrownsucks.com/ was the second result on the page.  Nice.  Mike Brown's record as owner/GM?  114-205-1.  Solid.  Brown's teams have never won a playoff game.  The Bengals have finished over .500 twice under Brown (since 1991!), meaning they have only made the playoffs twice during his tenure.  The Lions have made it 6 times during that same stretch.  Brown was the fastest owner to 200 loses, and, the slowest to 100 wins.  Since 1991, 13 teams have started 0-8 - the Bengals have done it 4 of those 13 times.***  The only way the Bengals are ever going to change is if Mike Brown steps down, which we know won't happen.  I guess Bengals fans will have to wait until he takes a dirt nap.  I don't wish ill on anyone, but I am tired of losing.  Let's hope Jay Gruden ends this trend.  Oh, and Fah Q Mike Brown. 

*Taken from NFL.com.
**Taken from bengals.com.
***Most stats taken from this Brown-bashing article.

The Odd Stat of the Week, Super Bowl Edition

Issue: Who is better, the Steelers or the Packers?

Short Answer: The Green Bay Packers.

Reasoning: Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to make an outlandish assertion: the Green Bay Packers were THIS close [pan out to a shot of me holding my thumb and index finger extremely close together.  No, like, really, really close] to being considered one of the greatest teams ever.  That's right, I said "ever."  When people think about the greatest teams ever, usually, overall record is the only stat that is considered.  A Super Bowl victory no longer matters.  I say this, because the 2007 New England Patriots, who went 18-0 before losing to the New York Football Giants in the Super Bowl, usually crack the list at #2 of "Greatest NFL Teams of All Time."  The #1 team is obviously the 1972 Miami Dolphins who went 17-0 and actually won that all-important game at the end of the season.  So, how, at 10-6, can the 2010 Green Bay Packers almost (I know, horseshoes and hand grenades) be considered one of the best teams ever?

As Mike Florio at ProFootballTalk reports (via the Wall Street Journal) the Packers are the first team in NFL history to lose six games in a season, all of them by four points or fewer.  In fact, they are the first team to even lose five games in a season, all by four points or fewer.  The only team in history to lose four games by four points or fewer was the 1987 Washington Redskins, who went on to win the Super Bowl.  So, it seems the Packers were THIS close [the thumb and index finger again] to possibly being undefeated.  Let us review their losses:

1. Week 3 @ Chicago - The Packers were flagged a season high 18 times for a season high 152 yards (their next highest total was 66 yards).  The Packers had a touchdown wiped out by a holding call, an interception erased with a roughing the passer penalty, and another interception wiped out by a pass interference call.  Devin Hester broke the record for most return TD's in the history of the NFL, and he did it in the 4th quarter.  And still, it took a Robbie Gould field goal with 4 seconds left, for the Bears to pull the game out, 20-17.
2. Week 5 @ Washington - After a sloppy game for both teams, and a mostly sloppy overtime period, Aaron Rodgers threw an interception to LaRon Landry at the Green Bay 39-yard line.  After two costly Green Bay penalties, Graham Gano hit a 33-yard field goal to give the Redskins a 16-13 victory.
3. Week 6 vs. Miami - Really?  They lost to Miami at home?  This is why betting on the NFL is impossible.  Or so my buddy told me.  Aaron Rodgers tied the game with 13 seconds left to go on a 1-yard scamper (first time I have ever used the word "scamper" - not as cool as I thought it would be).  After a Packer punt in overtime, the Dolphins took over on the Green Bay 48, ran 7 plays, kicked a field goal, and escaped with a 23-20 victory.
4. Week 12 @ Atlanta - Aaron Rodgers fumbled on the Atlanta 1-yard line in the 2nd quarter (oops), and the Falcons turned that into a touchdown just before the half (even though Tony Gonzalez may not have actually made the catch on a 4th down conversion to keep the drive alive).  Fast forward to 4th and goal with a minute left in the 4th quarter, when Aaron Rodgers scrambles out of the pocket and finds a streaking Jordy Nelson in the end zone to tie the game (I'm sure you have seen this highlight on ESPN ad nauseum).  However, a 15-yard facemask penalty on the ensuing kickoff meant doom for the unlucky Packers.  Matt Bryant hit a 47-yard field goal with 13 seconds left to give the Falcons a 20-17 win.
5. Week 14 @ Detroit - This had to knock some people out of their survivor pools.  Remember, don't bet on the NFL.  Oh, and this was tied for the biggest blowout suffered by the Packers in 2010.  Four points.  Aaron Rodgers got hurt, Matt Flynn came into the game, the Packers scored 3 points, and lost 7-3.  Let's move on.
6. Week 15 @ New England - The Packers suffer another 4-point loss.  It's a wonder how they could get their psyche back in tact, and make a successful playoff run, after suffering back-to-back blowouts like this (I hope you are sensing my sarcasm by this point).  Did I mention Matt Flynn again played instead of Aaron Rodgers?  And he threw 3 touchdowns.  Maybe people who were riding the Patriots all the way to the Super Bowl should have realized how bad their defense was (myself included - I picked the Patriots over the Jets to knock me out of my survivor pool.  No worries, I still got a little piece of the pie).  Still, the Packers lost 31-27.

The moral to the story?  Since the Packers lost 6 games this year, they will never be considered one of the best teams ever - even if (when?) they win the Super Bowl.  But, one could make an argument that the Packers didn't really play a bad game all year.  Why would the Super Bowl be their first one?  Packers 27, Steelers 17.  Or so I hope.  I can't stand to see the Steelers win another Super Bowl.

Carson "The Traitor" Palmer

Issue: What do you think of Carson Palmer demanding a trade from the Bengals?

Short Answer: I don't blame him, but the title of this post should explain it fairly well.

Reasoning: I guess this should be a two part question - 1) why don't I blame him, and 2) why is he a traitor?  I don't blame Carson Palmer for demanding a trade because, well, these are the Cincinnati Bengals.  Mike Brown (the owner/GM/scout/idiot) has successfully run a once proud franchise into the ground, and I couldn't imagine anyone, ever, wanting to play for the Bengals.  I'm not sure why anyone would want to root for the Bengals either, but I do, and that's my life, and I deal with it.  Therapy sometimes helps.  The Bengals stink, and that's all there is to it.  At least we aren't the Lions (who are getting better) or the Bills (who beat us handily this year) or the Panthers (who at least get the first pick in the draft).  So, I understand where Carson is coming from.

So, why do I think he is a traitor?  Plain and simply - he has done nothing to improve the Bengals.  It's not like he is putting up MVP numbers every year only to finish 4-12.  That's right, a quarterback who just posted a 4-12 record, on a team with numerous offensive weapons (Ochostinko, T.O. the cancer, Cedric Benson, Jermaine Gresham), is demanding to be traded.  Hey, Carson - good riddance.  And can you take Chad and T.O. with you when you leave?  If there is one thing that makes Bengals fans, Bengals fans, it is the fact that we wallow in the sorrows of our crappy team TOGETHER.  Cincinnatians are bonded by the fact that we stink, we know we stink, but, THIS IS THE YEAR!  After about week 7 we realize this again is not the year, but there is still a team to be cheered on, and Cincinnatians do so every Sunday.  Carson, we thought you were one of us, but you are no Bengal.  I hope you enjoy Carolina, or Seattle, or San Francisco, and I hope they continue to be mediocre teams with you at quarterback.

Let's go to the stats - http://www.pro-football-reference.com/ is the best site I have seen when attempting to dissect stats.  One of the best features they have is called "similar players" in which they list players who have similar stats and production.  Here is a list of similar players to Carson Palmer: Tony Romo, Eli Manning (only Super Bowl winner on the list, and we all know how fortuitous that was), Aaron Brooks, Michael Vick (I am assuming they mean passing and not rushing similarities), David Garrard, Jake Delhomme, Scott Mitchell, Mark Rypien (I lied, he won a Super Bowl too - no, I'm not kidding), Philip Rivers (I only assume he is on this list for his playoff failures too), and Chad Pennington.  Whoa.  Who on this list could demand a trade and be taken seriously?  Not many.  Carson Palmer has a career record of 46-51.  He has posted a winning record only twice - 2005 (11-5) and 2009 (10-6).  Both times the Bengals made the playoffs.  Both times the Bengals lost in the 1st round (sidenote: I realize that had Kimo Von Oelhoffen not rolled up Carson's knee 2 minutes into the game in 2005, not only could we have won that game, but the next 5 years of Bengals "lore" may have been different, and I may not even be writing about this right now.  The Steelers are dirty and I hate them greatly.  They cheat and they knew if Carson was out of the game, we were in trouble.  Typical Steelers.  Go Packers!).

Carson Palmer's most impressive stat - in the 2005 playoff game he was 1 for 1 for 66 yards before the Steelers decided it would be easier to win without Palmer on the field.  That stat is not enough for Bengals fans to take this trade demand seriously.  See ya Carson.  Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.  Or do.  I, and Cincinnatians, shouldn't care either way.  It's time to rebuild.  Again.

The Odd Stat of the Week

Issue: NFL Conference Championships are this weekend - what makes these games different?

Short Answer: I have an interesting little tidbit.

Reasoning: To draft a quarterback in the first round is to do so at your own peril.  Trust me, I'm a Bengals fan.  David Klingler?  Akili Smith?  Alright, maybe this is more about the Bengals front office (or lack thereof) than anything, but you catch my drift.  History is full of quarterbacks drafted in the first round who never amount to much.  Aside from the two I just mentioned, Rick Mirer, Heath Schuler, Jim Drunkenmiller, Ryan Leaf (you knew that one was coming), Tim Couch, Cade McNown, Joey Harrington, David Carr, Byron Leftwich, Rex Grossman (he did go to a Super Bowl!), Brady Quinn, Patrick Ramsey, J.P. Losman, JaMarcus Russell, and Alex Smith were all first round selections in the NFL draft.  Obviously there is no science to these picks and a team might as well play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey when picking a quarterback in the first round.

This weekend's Conference Championship games will mark the first time since the NFL-AFL merger in 1970 that all four quarterbacks playing were former first round picks.  This stat lends credence to the fact that a first round quarterback is a shot-in-the-dark.  Mark Sanchez of the New York Jets (5th overall in 2009) was the highest draft pick of the four, a fact that is laughable at best.  But, he is in the AFC Championship game and I am writing about him in an average-at-best blog, so I think he gets the last laugh.  His opponent, Ben Roethlisberger, was the 11th pick in 2004, a quarterback draft that may one day compete with those quarterbacks taken in 1983.  Roethlisberger was drafted after Philip Rivers and Eli Manning but before J.P. Losman.  Whoops.  Maybe 1983 will continue to reign.  Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears was the 11th pick in the 2006 draft by the Denver Broncos, behind Vince Young and Matt Leinart.  Even though Cutler is no longer with the Broncos, at least they didn't draft Vince Young or Matt Leinart.  His opponent, Aaron Rodgers, was the 24th pick in 2005.  The lowest draft position of the 4, but perhaps the biggest upside of the 4.  He has shined this postseason, and it wouldn't shock me to see him hoist the Vince Lombardi Trophy this year as a Super Bowl Champ.

Remember folks, defense wins championships, and all four of these teams have top 10 defenses this year, so we know what is going to win these games.  But these four guys should make it plenty more interesting to watch.  Happy football watching.

Mock Drafts

Issue: Can you do an NFL mock draft?

Short Answer: Hell no.

Reasoning: Mock drafts are just another reason that I can't stand ESPN.  I was watching SportsCenter this afternoon and watched ESPN waste a good portion of the show going over Mel Kiper, Jr.'s (who most people despise, but I actually like - Todd McShay is still a d-bag though) mock draft.  That's right, ESPN is doing mock drafts before the season is even over!  Picks 29-32 have yet to be decided (although Kiper had the Steelers picking at 32, so it is obvious who he has his money on to win the Super Bowl), and ESPN is telling us who each team is going to draft at the end of April.  Dumb.  ESPN is the new MTV.  What do I mean by that?  Well, remember way back when MTV used to play music videos?  I do (I hope I'm not dating myself).  I also remember when ESPN used to play sports highlights.  Now, all ESPN does is tell me who is going to draft who in 4 months, who is going to win each game before it's played, and tell general managers how to do their jobs.  Dumb.

So, why do I hate mock drafts so much?  Because they are always wrong.  And they mean nothing.  And Todd McShay is a d-bag (did I already say that?).  Let's check out the mock drafts of Kiper*, McShay*, and what really happened last year**:

          Kiper/McShay/Actual Pick

1. Sam Bradford/Sam Bradford/Sam Bradford
2. Ndamukong Suh/Ndamukong Suh/Ndamukong Suh
3. Gerald McCoy/Gerald McCoy/Gerald McCoy
4. Russell Okung/Russell Okung/Trent Williams
5. Eric Berry/Bryan Bulaga/Eric Berry
6. Trent Williams/Eric Berry/Russell Okung
7. Dez Bryant/Dan Williams/Joe Haden
8. Jimmy Clausen/Trent Williams/Rolando McClain
9. Bryan Bulaga/Anthony Davis/C.J. Spiller
10. C.J. Spiller/Earl Thomas/Tyson Alualu
11. Earl Thomas/Rolando McClain/Anthony Davis
12. Dan Williams/Derrick Morgan/Ryan Matthews
13. Joe Haden/Sergio Kindle/Brandon Graham
14. Derrick Morgan/C.J. Spiller/Earl Thomas
15. Rolando McClain/Mike Iupati/Jason Pierre-Paul
16. Jason Pierre-Paul/Jason Pierre-Paul/Derrick Morgan
17. Anthony Davis/Jimmy Clausen/Mike Iupati
18. Maurkice Pouncey/Maurkice Pouncey/Maurkice Pouncey
19. Brandon Graham/Brandon Graham/Sean Witherspoon
20. Kyle Wilson/Joe Haden/Kareem Jackson
21. Jermaine Gresham/Dez Bryant/Jermaine Gresham
22. Sergio Kindle/Everson Griffen/Demaryius Thomas
23. Mike Iupati/Charles Brown/Bryan Bulaga
24. Kareem Jackson/Kyle Wilson/Dez Bryant
25. Damaryius Thomas/Damaryius Thomas/Tim Tebow
26. Sean Witherspoon/Jermaine Gresham/Dan Williams
27. Charles Brown/Taylor Mays/Devin McCourty
28. Ryan Matthews/Terrence Cody/Jared Odrick
29. Everson Griffen/Jared Odrick/Kyle Wilson
30. Taylor Mays/Kareem Jackson/Jahvid Best
31. Jared Odrick/Jerry Hughes/Jerry Hughes
32. Jerry Hughes/Sean Witherspoon/Patrick Robinson

So, let's recap: Kiper correctly picked (guessed?) six draft choices correctly, out of 32 (18.75%), and McShay correctly picked (blind squirrel finds a nut) five draft choices correctly, out of 32 (15.625%).  Let us not forget that each of them had the top 3 picks correct (and who didn't?).  So, out of the next 29 picks, Kiper got three and McShay got two correct.  Are we seeing why this is so dumb yet?  Plus, Kiper and McShay can never correctly contemplate which teams will make trades on draft day (it happens quite a bit every year), which makes mock drafts even that much more stupid.  However, it does make for entertaining television when Kiper (who clearly views McShay as moving in on his territory) and McShay argue over how stupid the other person is because of where they have a player going in their mock draft.  Hey, idiots, neither of you are right, so stop making yourselves look even more stupid.

It's ESPN's money, so they can pay these guys if they want.  Who am I to say different?  But, things like mock drafts and predicting the winners of games only leave those that do it out there on a limb to be laughed at (did you see how many of the 7 people picking games on ESPN Countdown picked the Jets last week - zero).  I wish I could take over ESPN - I would get rid of all the talking heads, and go back to showing sports highlights.  Too bad.  Looks like we will have Kiper and McDouche on our screens for the next four months.

*Taken from this website, via ESPN.com

**Thanks to NFL.com.

The Odd Stat of the Week

Issue: Anything odd happen during Wild Card weekend?

Short Answer: It most certainly did.

Reasoning: The Baltimore Ravens have long been known for their defense.  Let us remember that the Ravens victory in Super Bowl XXXV was with Trent Dilfer as their quarterback.  Yes, Trent Dilfer has done something that Dan Marino, Dan Fouts, Ken Anderson, and Boomer Esiason have not, and that is win a Super Bowl.  Although most people who know the game know that the Ravens would not have won that Super Bowl if it wasn't for their defense.

Times are no different in 2010-11, as the Ravens are once again in the playoffs, due largely to their defense.  But something happened in the openning round of the playoffs against the Kansas City Chiefs, that doesn't often happen against the Ravens.  Midway through the first quarter, with the Ravens holding a 3-0 lead, Jamaal Charles, Kansas City's best running back, busted through the defensive front and outran the Baltimore secondary to score a 41-yard touchdown.  That doesn't seem like THAT big of a deal.  But it was.  Ladies and gentleman, this was the first rushing touchdown allowed by the Baltimore Ravens defense, of 30+ yards since....2005.  Wow.

The last time the Ravens had given up a 30+ yards rush for a touchdown was October 9 of 2005 when Detroit Lions running back Shawn Bryson (who?) took his only carry of the game 77 yards to the house.  Since that day, the Ravens had gone 2,484 straight rushing attempts against without giving up another 30+ yard touchdown scamper.  Jamaal Charles ended that streak on Sunday, but let us not forget - it was the only points Baltimore would reliquish the entire game.  The final score was 30-7, as the Ravens move on to face the Steelers.  I think it is a fairly safe bet that Rashad Mendenhall will not break a 30+ yard touchdown.  But, football is a crazy game.

Runner-up for odd stat of the week (and it's related!): the score in the last 17 meetings between the Baltimore Ravens and the Pittsburgh Steelers is 302-302.  Should be a good game this weekend.

My New Hero

Issue: Who is your new hero?

Short Answer: Wes Welker.

Reasoning: For those of you who don't know, the New England Patriots and the New York Jets face off this weekend in the NFL playoffs...and they don't like each other much.  The Jets talk a lot of trash.  Rex Ryan does it.  Antonio Cromartie does it.  But, the Patriots don't do it.  A Bill Belichick coached team allows the other team to talk all they want.  His team goes out and does their talking on the field.  However, there may be a dissenter amongst the bunch of Patriots.  At a news conference yesterday, Wes Welker may have done some trash talking.  I think.

Back in December TMZ.com posted videos which (allegedly) star the wife of Rex Ryan.  Well, the stars of the video happen to be the feet, of the wife, of Rex Ryan.  Yeah, I chose not to watch either.  Wes Welker, my new hero, did some "trash" talking at his press conference, the way only a Patriot could.  Check out the video:

Whether he did this on purpose or not (I believe it had to be), it is hilarious.  Who knew Wes Welker had it in him?  Hilarity at its finest.

The Odd Stat of the Week, Part II

Issue: It's playoff time in the NFL, so, where are the San Diego Chargers?

Short Answer: They are playing golf, but I'm not sure how it happened either.

Reasoning: With a week 16 loss at Cincinnati (WHO DEY!), the San Diego Chargers missed out on the playoffs for the first time since 2003.  That alone makes it strange enough not to see San Diego playing in January.  However, the Odd Stat of the Week makes it even stranger.  See, it turns out that San Diego was way better than its 9-7 record indicated at the end of the year.  NFL.com tells us that the San Diego Chargers were #1 in total offense (measured in yards per game, they averaged 395.6 YPG) and #1 in total defense (measured in yards per game allowed, they averaged 271.6 YPG), and yes, the Chargers failed to make the playoffs.

The question then becomes: how rare is it that a team be #1 in total offense and #1 in total defense and fail to make the playoffs?  This is the first time it has ever happened.  Not surprising.  The question really should be: how in the world does it happen in the first place?  Some things that jumped out to me:

1. They lost 16 fumbles on offense, tied for third worst in the NFL;
2. They had a -6 turnover margin (meaning (for all my female readers) they had 6 more turnovers on offense than turnovers caused on defense).  Playoff teams this year with a worse turnover margin - Seattle -9.  Let's not forget that they won the putrid NFC West with a 7-9 record;
3. While they lead the league in YPG allowed on defense, they allowed 322 points (20.1 per game), which was only good for 10th in the league;
4. The Chargers special teams allowed 5 touchdowns, including a punt return for a touchdown, a blocked punt for a touchdown, and 3 (yes, 3) kickoff returns for touchdowns;
5. The defense had only 16 interceptions (tied for 14th in the league) and recovered only 6 fumbles (30th out of 32 teams);
6. Their kickers (Nate Kaeding, their best kicker, did get hurt for part of the year) were 27 for 33 on field goals (82%) which was only good enough for 19th in the league.

Not sure any of that answers the question how a team in #1 in total offense and #1 in total defense finishes 7-9 and misses the playoffs, but maybe it helps.  It seems virtually impossible to me that a team can gain more yards per game, and give up less yards per game, than any team in the league, and be an average team.  But the Chargers proved it was possible this year.  Crazy sport (Seattle over New Orleans, anyone??).

Ada, Ohio

Issue: Why should any sports fan care about Ada, Ohio?

Short Answer: Every single play, in NFL history, began in Ada, Ohio.

Reasoning: Just so you know, I am from Ohio, I would even say that I love Ohio, and I have never heard of Ada either (even though it turns out I lived not to far from there during the summer I played for the Lima Locos of the Great Lakes Collegiate League).  Google maps tells me Ada is here:

View Larger Map

(I did have to hit the "zoom out" button about 5 times to bring a recognizable city into view, if, you know, Lima is considered a recognizable city.)  Basically, Ada is in the boonies.  Yet, Ada may be the most important town to the NFL in the entire country.  Why?  Ada is home to the factory that has hand made every single football that has been used in an NFL game since the NFL has been around.  Every pass, every run, every touchdown, every field goal, every interception, every fumble has occurred with a football that originated in Ohio.  You gotta love that.

NFL footballs are the only product they make at the factory in Ada.  They also define what it means to have "job security."  Take a look at how it's done (it's amazing):

Pretty cool stuff.

Andrew Luck...what the _____?

Issue: Can you fill in the blank with a word that rhymes with Andrew's last name and describes your feelings on his decision to stay in school?

Short Answer: I can.

Reasoning: First, I would like to go on record as saying that I am all for staying in school.  I come from a sport (baseball) in which hundreds of high school seniors, every year, sign professional contracts.  Not only do I hate this because it remains quite a long shot to make the big leagues, but also because the kid will miss out on the college experience, which I believe greatly facilitates the journey into being a productive adult.  I think kids (and parents) should always err on the side of going, or staying in school, rather than chasing a professional career.  With one exception.  When a kid has the opportunity to be a first round pick, the financial security that comes with that draft position cannot be ignored.  Millions of dollars goes a long way in life.

Andrew luck, starting quarterback for the Stanford Cardinal (still), has passed up the opportunity to be the number one pick in next years NFL draft.  For context purposes, Sam Bradford, the number one pick in last years draft, was given $50 million in guaranteed money.  That means if Bradford were to have blown out his knee in the first game of his career, never to play again, he would still have $50 million in the bank (for the most part).  The pundits on ESPN have been saying that Luck would not have been guaranteed that much money, but his potential contract would have guaranteed him upward of $40 million.  But, Luck has decided that he wants to stay in school, so he can get his degree.  I am so confused.

Let's say Luck goes back to school and he blows out his knee in the first game.  He will be left with nothing but a degree in architectural design (granted, it will be a degree from Stanford, so obviously this kid is smart and will probably have a successful career anyway), which carries with it $0 in guaranteed money.  Did I miss something here?  Is Stanford going to close the college of architectural design soon?  No?  Well then, Mr. Luck, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  You have heard the old adage "strike while the iron is hot," and it doesn't get any hotter than being the consensus, unanimous, and obvious number one pick in the draft.  The best Andrew Luck can hope for is to have a fabulous redshirt junior year and again be considered the number one pick next year.  That is the best.  I don't even want to get into all the bad things that can happen.  Declare for the draft.  Be the number one pick.  Get paid millions of dollars just for that.  Then, when you are through playing, go back to school and get your degree.  Stanford will still be there.  I think.