Andre Johnson = Santa Claus?

Issue: Fantasy football playoffs?

Short Answer: Not even close...

Reasoning: The holiday season is always filled with great stories of giving.  Thanks to Pro Football Talk for this one:

Andre Johnson brings Christmas to 12 Houston kids

Posted by Michael David Smith on December 4, 2012, 5:54 PM EST

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Christmas came early for 12 children in Houston today, when they were treated to Toys R Us shopping sprees courtesy of Texans receiver Andre Johnson.

At an annual Christmas event organized by the Andre Johnson Charitable Foundation, the kids were given shopping carts and told they had 80 seconds (for Johnson’s jersey number) to fill the carts with whatever toys they wanted.

“You hear a minute and twenty seconds and you don’t think that’s a long time, butyou’d be surprised by what these kids can put into their buckets,” Johnson told the Texans’ website.

Johnson’s foundation gladly picked up the tab (which came to $19,521) for the 12 kids, who were chosen by Houston’s Child Protective Services department. All of the children have been taken out of their homes because of parental abuse. Johnson, who has been footing the bill for the annual shopping spree for years, said he has been particularly touched to see that the kids aren’t just thinking of themselves as they grab all the toys they can.

“All the kids that have been here every year have gotten gifts for their brothers and sisters or cousins or whoever,” he said. “It just shows what they go through that they think about others. It shows what type of kids they are.”

And this shows what type of man Andre Johnson is.

Feds to Change Rules of Golf

Issue: This has to be a joke, right?

Short Answer: Yes.  And a funny one at that.

Reasoning: As some of you may know, golf is pretty much my life.  Well, my life when I'm not working or when it's freezing outside.  I'm obviously kidding, since I would drop whatever I'm doing to go play golf, and I have played in a near blizzard.  Until you whack that little ball around for 18 holes, you will never know how fantastic a game it actually is.  In no other game is the opponent oneself, as much as it is in the game of golf.  If one plays well or poorly, he only need to look in the mirror.  It seems as though that is a microcosm for life.  Well, it used to be anyway.

Without getting into any political discussions on a sports blog, allow me to share with you the new rule changes that our Federal Government, led by one Barack Hussein Obama, are going to make to my beloved game of golf.  *Sigh*.  I give up.  (I'm not sure who wrote this, so I can't cite it, but thanks to whoever did, because it's hilarious.  And very relevant.):

President Barack Obama has recently appointed a Golf Czar.

Major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective January, 20 2013.

This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2716 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.

Here are a few of the changes:

Golfers with handicaps:

• Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
• Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
• Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.

The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:

• Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
• Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
• Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.  In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.  Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par.  Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again .

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.  This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure that in all competitions every Player above an 18 handicap will post only "net score" against every other player's "gross score".

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.

Golf must be about fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility.

This is the "Right thing to do."  So, please remember; if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn't shoot it yourself. Someone else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it. Someone else built the clubs and the cart.

I think I speak for all single-digit handicappers when I say that this is complete crap!!  SUB-10 HANDICAPPERS UNITE!!