Where I commonly write about sports, in an uncommon way.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Andre Johnson = Santa Claus?

Issue: Fantasy football playoffs?

Short Answer: Not even close...

Reasoning: The holiday season is always filled with great stories of giving.  Thanks to Pro Football Talk for this one:


Andre Johnson brings Christmas to 12 Houston kids

Andre Johnson PicGetty Images
Christmas came early for 12 children in Houston today, when they were treated to Toys R Us shopping sprees courtesy of Texans receiver Andre Johnson.
At an annual Christmas event organized by the Andre Johnson Charitable Foundation, the kids were given shopping carts and told they had 80 seconds (for Johnson’s jersey number) to fill the carts with whatever toys they wanted.
“You hear a minute and twenty seconds and you don’t think that’s a long time, butyou’d be surprised by what these kids can put into their buckets,” Johnson told the Texans’ website.
Johnson’s foundation gladly picked up the tab (which came to $19,521) for the 12 kids, who were chosen by Houston’s Child Protective Services department. All of the children have been taken out of their homes because of parental abuse. Johnson, who has been footing the bill for the annual shopping spree for years, said he has been particularly touched to see that the kids aren’t just thinking of themselves as they grab all the toys they can.
“All the kids that have been here every year have gotten gifts for their brothers and sisters or cousins or whoever,” he said. “It just shows what they go through that they think about others. It shows what type of kids they are.”
And this shows what type of man Andre Johnson is.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Feds to Change Rules of Golf

Issue: This has to be a joke, right?

Short Answer: Yes.  And a funny one at that.

Reasoning: As some of you may know, golf is pretty much my life.  Well, my life when I'm not working or when it's freezing outside.  I'm obviously kidding, since I would drop whatever I'm doing to go play golf, and I have played in a near blizzard.  Until you whack that little ball around for 18 holes, you will never know how fantastic a game it actually is.  In no other game is the opponent oneself, as much as it is in the game of golf.  If one plays well or poorly, he only need to look in the mirror.  It seems as though that is a microcosm for life.  Well, it used to be anyway.

Without getting into any political discussions on a sports blog, allow me to share with you the new rule changes that our Federal Government, led by one Barack Hussein Obama, are going to make to my beloved game of golf.  *Sigh*.  I give up.  (I'm not sure who wrote this, so I can't cite it, but thanks to whoever did, because it's hilarious.  And very relevant.):

President Barack Obama has recently appointed a Golf Czar.

Major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective January, 20 2013.

This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2716 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.

Here are a few of the changes:

Golfers with handicaps:
  • Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
  • Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
  • Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:
  • Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
  • Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
  • Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.  In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.  Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par.  Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again .

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.  This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure that in all competitions every Player above an 18 handicap will post only "net score" against every other player's "gross score".


These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.


Golf must be about fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility.


This is the "Right thing to do."  So, please remember; if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn't shoot it yourself. Someone else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it. Someone else built the clubs and the cart.

I think I speak for all single-digit handicappers when I say that this is complete crap!!  SUB-10 HANDICAPPERS UNITE!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A Good Walk Spoiled?

Issue: Read any good editorials lately?

Short Answer: Funny you should ask...

Reasoning: I figure most of you are sick of reading some of the things I write.  I know UC fans are.  So, when I read something that I like, I will start posting it here, so my readers can get a break from me (and, some may say, to have something worth reading on this blog).  The following is an editorial written by Paul Daugherty of the Cincinnati Enquirer.  His editorials are a must-read on a daily basis.  This particular piece is about golf, which is beyond a huge part of my life.  Please don't fret non-golfers!!  This piece may actually give you some insight into what makes golf-fanatics, golf-fanatics.  Enjoy!  (Thanks to my boy Krig for sending this to me).

Doc: The reward for death is an appreciation of life
Written by:
Paul Daugherty


Whoever said golf was a good walk spoiled didn't know what he was talking about. He also believes chocolate cake is a waste of sugar, dogs are man’s best reason to get a cat and beer means too many trips to the head. Golf is a walk in the park, often literally, all the time. What other sport combines skill, patience, confidence and hiking? I don’t take pictures while I’m playing softball, unless the other team is all female. 
I took a few yesterday, while playing 9 at the legendary Hickory Woods. The sun sinking low, its rays refracted through a prism of trees. The interplay of light and shadow, as clouds the color of a thigh bruise passed through to some more permanent residence. Cleveland, probably. At precisely 428 pm, the light was of that fragile, melancholy and brittle state that so characterizes this time of year. I snapped a phone-photo of the trees and the sky and the world, reflected in a pond bestride the 5th fairway. 
I don’t like this time of year. It is a time of dying. My mother died in the fall, when I was 8. Colors all fade, the earth contracts and shivers. Even on the brightest days, the light is thin. It gets dark so soon. I struggle to find beauty in anything. I know what’s coming. It holds no promise. 
The reward for death is an appreciation of life. It’s probably why I’ll never move from here. At least not permanently. I never want to take a sunset for granted. I’m afraid if I settled on the west side of Florida, close to gulf sunsets, I’d stop going to see them. Now, when I’m down there, I never miss a sunset. I mean, never. 
Hickory Woods was empty yesterday at 3, when I teed off. In fact, I was the only player on the entire course. For 11 bucks, I had my own private club for a few hours. There is a solace on the golf course that cannot be duplicated. I am not one of those people who goes to the links to escape my problems. If I’m having a lousy day off the course, I’m going to have a lousy day on it. Yesterday, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I’d finished a book chapter, I’d worked out. It was 51 degrees on November 26 and I was playing golf. 
If you don’t play, you won’t know the joy of a silent afternoon in the epilog of fall, interrupted only by the pure sound of a shot well struck. You won’t find peace in walking with 25 pounds of equipment on your back, watching a red fox cross the fairway 100 yards ahead of you. You won’t hear the wind provoke a scurrying of leaves, winter’s advance men, or notice the whiteness of a sycamore’s bark, and the way its limbs bend over a pond, as if in prayer. 
I’ve played lots of sports, if only a few competitively. They all have their pluses. None is a meditation, though. Not like golf. The walk, the hike, the sights and sounds. The good connection to the earth, one step at a time. 
The front 9 at Hickory is fairly connected to the man made. Houses don’t intrude on the serene, but they’re there. The road into the place bisects the 5th green and 6th tee. The back-9 is more provoking of reflection and gratitude. But there are places on the front where you can stop and behold what’s good. 
Number 2 is like that. It’s an uphill par-3, 160 yards from the blue tees, through a narrow corridor of trees to an equally slender, if long, green. I slapped a 27-degree hybrid that started straight, then faded just enough to catch the right slope and bounce to the edge of the woods. If you play one course enough, you know it the way you know your child’s face. I knew exactly where my ball was. I drew the 58-degree wedge from my quiver and trudged ahead. 
That’s when I saw the buck. Fifty yards ahead, just along the treeline, a few feet from my ball. 
I stopped. He looked up. We watched each other for awhile. The sun grazed the tops of the trees, the wind made the smaller branches sway. It was quiet enough, I could hear him breathing. The world paused, long enough for me to be grateful I was in it, playing golf, walking the good earth and staring at a buck. 
Several years ago, I wrote an entire column counting the virtues of November golf around here. When the weather is passable, which is more often than you think, it’s the best time of year to play. The courses are in great shape, they’re not crowded, the faded beauty of the season lingers. That column prompted an increase in play at Hickory, which didnt do me any good, but might have kept the snowbirds around town until after Thanksgiving. 
No matter. I define golf not by the shots I hit, or the scores I make, but rather by the peace I acquire while playing it. Yesterday was special. Yesterday was a blessing and a gift. It made me grateful for having lived it. 
On the 9th hole, a par-4 of maybe 390 yards, my drive lands dead center of the fairway, but still 180 yards short of the green. That’s where I conked a 7-wood dead right and 20 yards short of where I would be if I were a good player, which I am not. I bumped a wedge to the fringe and took 3 putts from about 60 feet. Miserable. 
The walk wasn't, though. Not at all.

Original article can be found here

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!

Issue: So, what are you thankful for this holiday season?

Short Answer: I'm thankful that the University of Cincinnati still stinks...

Reasoning: I have written about my hatred for the University of Cincinnati many times.  I can't stand them.  It used to be all about the basketball team, but now I pretty much hate everything about them.  Their fans are obnoxious as can be.  This year, since their football team sucks (like they have every year in their existence, except one, in which they were embarrassed by Florida in the Sugar Bowl - but UC fans will tell you that not only would they have beaten Ohio State that year, they had then taken over as the best college football team in Ohio - like, forever) all the chatter is about their basketball team.  Now, I am the first to give credit where credit is due, and the UC basketball team is pretty good this year.  You won't catch me rooting for them anytime soon, but at least it makes their fans sound a little less moronic when they are actually talking smack about a team that has some talent.  Just don't forget, UC fans, that your team is led by a guy named Cashmere.  His brothers Nylon and Polyester weren't good enough for UC, so they had to settle for Division II schools.  Seriously, his name is Cashmere.  But, again, dude has some talent.  Just an awful name.

Alright, now that I got that off my chest, on to the real reason for this Bearcat bashing post.  I take you back a couple weeks ago to when Michael Vick suffered a concussion and was knocked from the game.  Coming on to replace him in that game was rookie QB Nick Fowles.  This was not news in and of itself, but when Vick couldn't return the next week, Fowles started the game for the Eagles.  (I realize you may be confused at this point, but bear with me.)  This is significant because Fowles became only the second QB from the University of Arizona to start a game in the NFL.  Shocking because Arizona has good football teams almost every year and has alumni such as Rob Gronkowski, Teddy Bruschi, Chris McAlister, Lance Briggs, Mike Bell, Antoine Cason, Chuck Cecil, Dennis Northcutt, and Antonio Pierce all who play or have played in the NFL.  The only other Arizona Wildcat to start at QB in the NFL was Bill Demory who started 3 games for the New York Jets in 1973.  Crazy stuff.  So, what does this have to do with UC?  I'm glad you asked (or, I'm glad I just asked myself).

The Wall Street Journal grabbed onto this story and published a list of colleges and how many starts QB's from those colleges have made in NFL history.  At the top of the list is Purdue.  Drew Brees, Jim Everett, and Bob Griese all help put the Boilermakers there.  Surprising, but not overly surprising.  The rest of the top 10 is also surprising, but nothing really blows your mind.  Washington (Warren Moon, Chris Chandler), Miami (Vinny Testaverde, Jim Kelly), USC (Carson Palmer, Rodney Peete), Notre Dame (Joe Montana, Joe Theismann), Stanford (John Elway, Jim Plunkett), Michigan (Tom Brady, Jim Harbaugh), UCLA (Troy Aikman, Jim Schroeder), Oregon (Dan Fouts, Chris Miller), and Maryland (Boomer Esiason, Neil O'Donnell) round out the top 10.  The surprises are the one's that fall further down the list.  T.J. Yates is the only North Carolina Tarheel to ever start a game in the NFL, and he's only started 5.  My beloved Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets have had only one former player start at QB in the NFL.  His name was Mike Kelley, and he started one game for the San Diego Chargers in 1987. And then there is the University of Cincinnati.  The storied program who can't even sell out a 35,000 seat stadium.  The historic program that has exactly 7 bowl wins in their entire history (with wins over Utah State (1997), Marshall (2004), Western Michigan (2006), Southern Miss (2007) and Vanderbilt (2011).  How have these guys been overlooked for National Championship consideration?!?!).  So, how many games have former Bearcat QB's started in the NFL?  You guessed it - ZERO.  Not one.  Shocking, I know.  I'm a little worried about how happy that stat makes me.  And here I thought Tony Pike was going to lead the Panthers to a Super Bowl.  Or not.

For the entire list, click here.  Just make sure you scroll ALL THE WAY DOWN to see where the Bearcats sit.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

A Lesson in College Athletics

Issue: Do college athletes pay attention to outside influences, i.e., point spreads?

Short Answer: Yes.  They.  Do.

Reasoning: First off, I played baseball in college, and there are no point spreads or people betting on the games, so I have no personal stories about this.  I was, however, friends with plenty of basketball and football players in college, and I know point spreads were talked about: "You believe we are a 2 touchdown favorite Saturday??  We should be favored by 3 touchdowns!  Haha!"  I am not saying, for one second, that players pay attention to point spreads in order to fix games, or win bets, or keep from getting their legs broken.  But, if you are a person who thinks this kind of thing NEVER happens, well, you're wrong.  This post is not about implementing anyone in any kind of scandal.  I'm not going to tell you anything provocative.  This post won't be quoted by ESPN in some sort of groundbreaking news story. All I'm saying is, the players know exactly what is going on in the outside world.  They know how many points they are favored by or how many points they are getting.  Perhaps some coaches use it as motivation.  Perhaps Idaho was paying attention to the point spread on Saturday night...

For those that don't know, I like to place an occasional wager on a sporting event, if, for no other reason than to make an otherwise uninteresting game, interesting.  And, there may have been no less interesting game last Saturday than BYU vs. Idaho.  Seriously, I'd rather watch bowling.  Since the game started around 11 p.m. EST and I can't go to sleep before 2 a.m. EST, I decided I would make the game "interesting" and take BYU -40.5.  Yes, that's right, I took the Cougars giving up almost 6 touchdowns.  This would surely be interesting.  As the game moved along, it actually started looking good for me.  But, late in the game, BYU decided not to kick field goals, as to not run up the score, and got stopped on the goal line not once, but twice.  I was in agony.  After a late Idaho turnover, BYU drove down near the goal line again.  At this point they were winning 49-10.  A field goal and I cover, but they weren't going to kick, right?  Wrong.  Field goal good with less than 2 minutes to go.  Fantastic way to end a pretty ugly Saturday in my college football world.  Some of you may think the story ends there.  BYU knew the spread and wanted to cover it.  You would be wrong.

What happened next defies everything I have ever been a part of in sports.  It's beyond comprehension. Idaho fields the kickoff and gets a decent return.  They get a first down, and then their offense stalls (according to the score, their offense had pretty much stalled the whole game, but that's not the point).  There are about 10 seconds left on the clock, and Idaho decides to punt, and why not?  Let's get this game over with.  Let's get into the locker room.  It's freakin' cold out here.  As the punt was in the air, I remember saying to myself "just don't muff this thing".  So, guess what happens?  That's right, he muffed it.  Idaho recovers.  Still, I thought, no big deal.  They still have to chuck one into the end zone, in freezing temperatures, with 8 seconds left on the clock, in order for me not to cover the spread.  Or...THEY COULD BRING ON THEIR FIELD GOAL TEAM AND KICK A FREAKIN' FIELD GOAL!?!?  And, mother f#@ker, that's exactly what they did.  Field goal good.  Final score: BYU: 52, Idaho: 13.  I lose.

What you didn't see, and what I can't show you (seriously, there is only one video out there, and it doesn't show you what I want you to see) is the way the kicker reacted when the kick went through the uprights.  His arms were extended overhead.  He was looking over at his bench like he had just won the Super Bowl.  He was excited.  I could even picture him screaming: "We covered the spread!  We covered the spread!"  I could also picture the whole Idaho team getting hammered drunk that night (the BYU team wasn't getting drunk, that's for sure) yelling across the room to each other: "YOU SHOULD HAVE BET ON THE VANDALS BABY!!!!"  Even more likely is the head coach patting the kicker on the butt when he sent him out there to kick a field goal down 42 points, saying: "At least go out there and cover the spread."  There is absolutely no other reason on this planet to kick a field goal down 42 points.  None.  Don't tell me they didn't know.

I saw one website who did a writeup on the game, and at the end of the story describing the massacre, stated: "Idaho kicked a field goal as time ran out to end the game on a positive note."  Yeah, positive note my ass.  They covered the spread, and that's what that field goal was about, plain and simple.  I now hate Idaho as much as I hate UC and UGA.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Meet Uncle Drew

Issue: Who is Uncle Drew, and what does he have to do with sports?

Short Answer: Uncle Drew is a playground legend.  Or he will be soon.

Reasoning: As I began writing this post, I was planning on linking the last post I wrote about Uncle Drew.  I went through my entire blog and couldn't find it.  Is it possible I didn't write about Uncle Drew the first time around?  Knowing how dumb I can be sometimes, the answer is positively yes.  It's quite shocking, seeing as how I think this might be the best marketing idea ever.  I will never drink Pepsi MAX, but this video at least makes me respect their marketing team.  Let me post the first video before we continue, so you can get an idea of what I am talking about:



I realize the YouTube title sort of gives the video away, i.e., Uncle Drew is Kyrie Irving of Duke University and the Cleveland Cavaliers.  A couple things jump out at me in this video: 1) Irving does a phenomenal job playing an old guy; 2) Although he is playing against of guys on the playground, it is ridiculous how much better he is than anyone on the court; 3) Everyone is drinking Pepsi MAX, so this had to be set up somehow, someway, and even those watching from the sidelines had to know something crazy was going down; 4) I GET BUCKETS; and 5) They should do many, many, many more of these videos.  I mean, seriously, couldn't Kyrie do this for a living rather than playing in the NBA?  More people would probably see him on YouTube in these videos than playing on TNT versus the Memphis Grizzlies...

Anyway, my wish came true recently when Kyrie Irving and Pepsi MAX released another Uncle Drew video.  This time however, they had Uncle Drew team up with Bill Russell and "Wes", his former teammate from way back in the day.  Since you already know who Uncle Drew is, I challenge you to figure out who "Wes" is.  Since I watch virtually zero NBA basketball, I didn't figure it out until the end, when I felt stupid for not figuring it out sooner.  [Side note: that is the second time I have mentioned how stupid I am in this post alone.  I must be getting old.  Sigh.]  Once again, this video makes me laugh out loud.  I can't wait to see the next one.  I'm still not drinking Pepsi MAX anytime soon though.  That I can promise you.  I GET BUCKETS!!!


Thursday, November 1, 2012

Ben Petrick

Issue: Uhh, who?

Short Answer: Just keep reading...

Reasoning: This is what Wikipedia tells us about Ben Petrick:
Benjamin Wayne Petrick (born April 7, 1977) is a former Major League Baseball player.  Petrick, who was born in Salem, Oregon, was a highly accomplished athlete while attending Glencoe High School in Hillsboro, Oregon. He was recruited heavily to play both football and baseball, and ended up going straight into the Colorado Rockies' farm system when they drafted him in the second round (38th overall) of the 1995 amateur entry draft. Petrick became a solid prospect, finding a great deal of success with the Rockies' AAA affiliate, the Colorado Springs Sky Sox. He was called up to the Rockies for the first time in 1999 and hit .323 with 4 home runs in only 62 at-bats. In 2000, he hit .322 in 52 games for the major league club. However, he soon experienced a dramatic dropoff in production, hitting only .238 in 85 games in 2001. On July 13, 2003, Petrick was acquired by the Detroit Tigers from Colorado in exchange for pitcher Adam Bernero. After an unsuccessful stint with the Tigers, Petrick was released. He attempted a brief comeback with the AAA Portland Beavers, and then retired.
This isn't a story about baseball.  This is a story about life.  See, I am a fairly unemotional person (just ask any girl I have ever dated).  I like to think I am always smiling, as I absolutely love life, but very rarely am I moved to tears.  Jim Volvano, in his famous speech at the ESPY's in 1993, told everyone   they should have their emotions moved to tears on a daily basis, but that is easier said than done.  Especially for me.  Perhaps it was because I was raised in a family with 3 brothers and...hold on, who cares why I am that way?  This isn't a blog about me and my emotional deficiencies.  Geez.  Let's move on...

I saw the following piece on E:60, a news show on ESPN.  I have been a baseball guy my whole life, so when I heard the name Ben Petrick, I remembered him, although vaguely.  I recalled him as a heck of catcher, who was turned into an outfielder, who could crush a baseball.  In short, he reminded me of myself (only he was a heck of a lot better than me).  But, then I heard his story and the comparisons to me stopped.  I want you to know that the piece did move me to tears, it is sad, but I promise you it has a happy ending.  I wouldn't post it here if it didn't.  It's a moving story about how sometimes life isn't fair, coping with that fact, and moving on.  You may have never heard of Ben Petrick before today, but something tells me you won't ever forget him.

Leave it to ESPN (yes, I still hate them) to not allow embedding of videos.  Click here to watch the video.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Wisdom of Tim McCarver

Issue: Uh, Wisdom?

Short Answer:  I was being facetious...

Reasoning:  I have to be honest.  After the Reds were knocked out of the playoffs (by themselves), my attention turned to football.  I didn't watch much of the NLCS or ALCS.  However, the World Series is different.  It's quite possibly my favorite sporting event.  So, last night, with Game 1 starting, I settled on my couch with a cold beer and a high definition television, and I prepared myself to be a bum for the next 3 hours.  Sometimes baseball can be boring (no, really, it can be), so I was thinking of a way to keep it interesting, even in the face of what turned out to be an 8-1 Giants victory.  And then it hit me.  Why not keep track of all the insanely stupid things Tim McCarver says during the game?  Yes, I will need multiple notepads and pens, but let's just see how stupid he can be.  I thought I might be able to fit a whole series worth of McCarverisms into one post, but, after only one game, I may already have too many (plus, I may not always have 3 hours to sit down and listen to everything McCarver says, thankfully).  The following is a list of quotes from McCarver last night.  They are NOT direct quotes, as I wasn't going to take the time to rewind and get it exactly right.  I would hear something, wonder if I was dreaming or tripping, shake my head and write down what I could remember.  Here goes:

  • With the Tigers' young outfielder Avisail Garcia at the plate, McCarver noticed that he had his left hand (he's a right-handed hitter) down below the knob of the bat.  McCarver said "you don't see a lot of young guys with the grip off the bat like that.  That is VERY unconventional."  Oh, Tim.  First, it's called cowtailing.  Second, almost every freakin' player does it.  A lot of players actually get tapered knobs on their bats to make it easier to cowtail.  Tim just said this to say this, knowing most people would have no idea one way or the other.
  • After Justin Verlander gave up an 0-2 homer to Pablo Sandoval, Tim and Joe Buck quipped that Verlander had probably never given up an 0-2 home run.  Then they checked.  McCarver: "There were 192 0-2 home runs given up this year in Major League Baseball.  NONE were given up by Verlander.  NONE.  NONE.  ZERO.  NOT ONE."  This is McCarver attempting to add drama to something that's not dramatic.  Let's do some simple math.  There are 30 teams in MLB.  Most carry around 13 pitchers in the regular season.  That is 390 pitchers, give or take.  Let's say no pitcher gave up more than one 0-2 home run.  That means almost 200 pitchers DID NOT GIVE UP AN 0-2 HOME RUN THIS YEAR.  And, in case you were wondering, Justin Verlander was one of those 200.  He gave up NONE.
  • With Omar Infante at the plate, after he was way out in front of a changeup: "He tried to hook that ball down the line."  Uh, Tim, no one tries to hook the ball down the line, ever.  Hitters try to hit the ball hard, period.  Where it goes, it goes.  Didn't you play baseball??
  • After Pablo Sandoval's second home run, and the cameras caught Verlander saying "Wow": "Even a 'wow' from Verlander!"  Wrong "wow" Tim.  Verlander was shocked that the ball left the yard, not at how awesome Sandoval is.
  • After an unconventional double play where Delmon Young dribbled one in front of the plate, was tagged by Buster Posey, who then threw to second where a tag was applied to Prince Fielder: "Delmon Young refused to run to first.  Had he run, Posey would have had to go to second to get the force and it's doubtful they would have been able to turn two."  He didn't refuse to run, he thought it was going to be foul.  Doubtful they would have turned two?  Have you seen Young and Fielder?  That would be like turning two on the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and the Pillsbury Doughboy.  Pretty sure they still had time.
  • After a commercial break, McCarver continued about the same play.  He explained that if Young had run, the ball would have hit him in fair territory and he would have been called out, which would have negated any chance at a double play because after it hit Young, the ball would be called dead.  McCarver: "Either way, had he run, the Tigers would have been much, much better off."  That you Captain Obvious!
  • Verlander was so bad last night, even Barry Zito had and RBI single.  Immediately after, the Giants fans chanted "BARRY!  BARRY!  BARRY!"  Joe Buck commented that, even though it had been awhile, this park has chanted that before.  McCarver: "For Barry Manilow.  At a concert."  I was looking at my phone when he said it and my head shot up.  Surely that was a joke.  Even McCarver has a sense of humor.  Right?!?!  Wrong.  He was dead effing serious.  This is a guy hired to talk about baseball on the biggest stage in the world.  And he gives you Barry Manilow.  For those of you still wondering, Joe Buck was talking about that one dude who used to play for the Giants...Barry Bonds.  Duh.
  • In one at bat, Pablo Sandoval accidentally let go of his bat while finishing his swing.  The bat slammed into the concrete wall by the dugout, breaking it down by the knob.  McCarver: "That is a RARITY!  How many times do you see that [the bat breaking by the knob]?!?!"  Well, Tim, you don't.  Unless, that is, a guy lets go of his bat after his swing and it slams into a concrete wall.  This guy is unreal...
  • As Tim Lincecum went down to the bullpen to warm up: "Lincecum never needs more that 15 pitches to warm up.  Even when he starts."  OK, this in itself is not dumb.  And it may be true.  But, McCarver left it at that.  No explanation.  Is this common knowledge?  Does he have a source?  For the record, after the commercial break, he changed "never" to "rarely" reaffirming the fact that McCarver just made it up in the first place.
  • Lincecum threw great.  For those of you who don't know, Lincecum was relegated to the bullpen late in the year after being one of the best starters in the game for the last 4 years.  In the middle of his performance, McCarver dropped this wisdom on us: "There is a 2-fold reason for Lincecum to pitch well in the World Series: 1) to restore his confidence so he can; 2) get back in the starting rotation next year."  What.  The.  F@#k?  I've got one reason for Lincecum to pitch well - to help his team win the World Effing Series.  That is all.
  • As Lincecum went full count on someone, up by 5 runs: "He HAS to throw a fastball here."  Slider.  Strike 3.  Good call Tim.
  • With Lincecum still on the hill, McCarver started talking about the "illusions of strikes".  Actually he said it about 20 times.  I still have no clue what he is talking about.  I even rewound it to listen again, because I was so confused.  Still nothing.  Let's move on.
  • "Most pitchers are 'individual' and not 'team' guys.  By the very nature of their position.  It's a very individual position.  Nothing happens until the pitcher puts the ball in play."  I don't even know where to start.  This has to be one of the dumbest statements ever.  First off, right field is just as "individual" as pitching.  In fact, all positions are "individual".  Baseball is often described as an "individual team game".  McCarver's logic is pitchers are individual because they control the pace of the game.  Aren't quarterbacks the same?  So, by McCarver's logic (an oxymoron) all quarterbacks are "individual" and not "team" guys too.  Oh, wait, my bad, I forgot McCarver doesn't think before he speaks.  Perhaps he doesn't think at all...
  • With Lincecum now dominating the Tigers: "The Tigers are having trouble because they don't have anyone in the American League that throws like Lincecum."  Tim, no one, anywhere, has anyone that throws like Lincecum.  But you'd have to actually pay attention to baseball to know that.  They call him "The Freak" for a reason.
And that is all in Game 1.  I left some things out because they were dumb, but perhaps not dumb enough.  Although, almost everything McCarver says is dumb.  You know it's bad when he makes a comment that makes sense, and it catches you completely off-guard.  Can't wait to watch Game 2 on mute.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Wizard of Westwood

Issue: College basketball already??

Short Answer: Sort of...

Reasoning: I was dallying around on Facebook the other day (which means I was so bored I didn't know what to do with myself), when I came across the following video.  Now, before you click play, let me warn you, it is long (something like 17 minutes), and the star of the video, John Wooden, may ramble from time to time (the guy lived to be almost 100...give him a break).  So, for those of you who do not have 17 minutes (I know you are reading this at work right now, soooo, c'mon, let's be honest), I will summarize for you after the video.


The first thing I notice is the title: The difference between winning and succeeding.  Most people would think they go hand-in-hand.  Mr. Wooden believes differently, and he does a great job explaining the difference.  A few other points worth noting:
  • "Mr. Webster defined [success]: as the accumulation of material possessions or the attainment of a position of power or prestige...but in my opinion [that is] not necessarily indicative of success."
  • "Dad tried to teach me and my brothers that you should never try to be better than someone else...always learn from others."
  • "Never cease trying to be the best you can be - that's under your control.  If you get too engrossed and involved and concerned in regard to the things over which you have no control, it will adversely affect those things over which you have control."
  • Mr. Wooden's definition of success: "Peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you're capable."
  • "Your reputation is what you are perceived to be; your character is what you really are."
  • Mr. Wooden's number one rule in life: "Never be late."
  • Mr. Wooden's advice to young coaches: "Don't run practices late.  Because you'll go home in a bad mood.  And that's not good, for a young married man to go home in a bad mood.  When you get older, it doesn't make any difference."
  • "And I say to you, in whatever you're doing, you must be patient."
  • "I think our tendency is to hope things will turn out the way we want them to much of the time.  But we don't do the things that are necessary to make those things become reality."
  • "Don't whine.  Don't complain.  Don't make excuses.  Just get out there, and whatever you're doing, do it to the best of your ability."
  • "My idea is that you can lose when you outscore somebody in a game.  And you can win when you're outscored."
  • "I used to say that when a game is over, and you see somebody that didn't know the outcome, I hope they couldn't tell by your actions whether you outscored and opponent or the opponent outscored you."
  • "I've had some players the could and wouldn't [pass the basketball], and I've had some that would and couldn't."
Those are the highlights.  What I can't show in my synopsis is Mr. Wooden quoting poetry as if he is reading it out of a book, somewhere in his mid-90's.  It's uncanny.  The video is worth the watch, because, in my opinion, anything Mr. Wooden says is worth listening to.  He is the greatest teacher of all time.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Cincinnati Redlegs {Sigh}

Issue: Is it your fault the Reds suffered the worst collapse in playoff history?

Short Answer: It could be, but...

Reasoning: I had the honor (?) of attending all three of the Reds home playoff games against the Giants, and I have been getting a lot of crap from people about being the bad luck charm for my beloved Redlegs.  I do take some of the blame, but, it's like my brother said as we were walking out of game 4: [spoken in a tone that one would speak to a 2 year old] "Really?  Do you really think you had something to do with them losing?  Really?"  Good point.  So, I give you a few things we can blame the Reds collapse on...besides me:


  1. Dusty Baker.  There are a lot of reasons I can't stand Dusty Baker (he never bunts when he should, he manages his pitchers awfully, he gets lucky all the time, he's loyal to a fault, etc.) and there are a lot of reasons I like Dusty Baker (2 Central Championships in 3 years, players love him....OK, that's all I've got).  However, there were a few moves made in games 3-5 that made absolutely no sense.  The first one happened in game 3.  Aroldis Chapman had just set down the Giants in the top of the 9th on 15 pitches.  The Reds were also retired in the bottom of the 9th.  So what does Dusty do?  He brings in Jonathan Broxton in the 10th.  Alright, I get it, Chapman doesn't normally throw more than one inning.  BUT THIS IS THE PLAYOFFS!!  Who cares?!  Aroldis Chapman is not only your best reliever, he is arguably your best pitcher.  Let him throw another inning.  Wouldn't you rather get beat with your best on the hill?  Instead, Dusty put in Broxton - single, single, K, K, passed ball, error - Reds lose and have to send Mike Leake to the hill the next day.  Uh oh.  The other move Dusty made that didn't make sense was his decision to start Scott Rolen in game 5.  I love Scott Rolen.  I love how he plays the game.  I love having him on our side.  However, his time is up.  Rolen started in game 3 and made the error that scored the game-winning run (he did not lose the game for the Reds, but unfortunately for him, that is the play everyone remembers).  Dusty made a good move in game 4 by starting Rookie-of-the-Year candidate Todd Frazier at 3rd.  Frazier went 0-for-3 with a walk and an RBI in game 4.  Not great, but in an 8-3 loss, not at all terrible (especially when being used exclusively as a pinch-hitter...for reasons only Dusty knows).  So, what does Dusty do for perhaps the most important game in his history managing the Reds?  He starts Scott Rolen.  In Rolen's defense, he was 2 for 5.  In my defense, his 2 hits meant nothing, he stranded 3 runners, and made the last out of the game with the tying runs on base.  Again, I love Scott Rolen, but Todd Frazier was the right start in game 5, if for no other reason than to help energize the crowd, which didn't have much to cheer about.  P.S. For those of you whining about the Reds resigning Dusty, stop it.  He's won 2 division titles in 3 years.  You CAN'T let a guy like that go...even if he may not know what he's doing.
  2. Johnny Cueto.  He's the Reds best starter, by far.  He's a Cy Young candidate.  He threw 8 pitches in the series.  I realize we actually ended up winning the game he started, but the ramifications of him getting hurt in game 1 were far-reaching.  Game 2 starter Mat Latos has to come in and finish game 1.  Game 3 starter Bronson Arroyo has to start game 2.  He threw a gem and won.  Game 4 starter Homer Bailey has to start game 3.  He threw a gem and the offense falls asleep.  Now we reach game 4.  Do you start Mat Latos on 3 days rest?  If you do, and he loses game 4, who do you start game 5?  Do you start shoplifting-champ Mike Leake?  What are your chances of winning with him on the hill?  Tough call, but I think Dusty made the right one in starting Leake.  Even though, in the end, you are giving the game away.  If Leake starts, and wins game 4, it would have been a monstrous upset.  Leake had a terrible year, and there was a reason he wasn't on the playoff roster to begin with.  Sending Leake out in game 4 was Dusty essentially telling the Giants "see you in game 5."  Stinks that it had to be that way, but I blame Johnny Cueto.
  3. The Reds offense.  Or complete lack thereof.  Let me clarify: it wasn't necessarily the Reds offense, it was the Reds complete lack of clutch hitting.  I say this because the lowest batting average of any every day Red was Ryan Hanigan at .200.  Hell, Drew Stubbs even hit .211!  Zach Cozart (.238), Rolen (.250), and Jay Bruce (.263) all had a respectable series.  Ryan Ludwick (.333), Brandon Phillips (.375), and Joey Votto (.389) all had a fantastic series.  Compare that with some of the Giants numbers: Angel Pagan (.150), Marco Scutaro (.150), Buster Posey (.211), Hunter Pence (.200), Brandon Belt (.077), Brandon Crawford (.182).  And the Reds lost.  Doesn't seem possible.  In the end, the Reds stranded 28 runners over the last three games (a stat that has been repeated ad nauseum in Cincinnati over the last few days) and were 3-for-24 (.125) with runners in scoring position.  Oh, let's not forget the fact that after they recorded three hits in the 1st inning of game 1, they recorded just one more hit the rest of the game, one which they lost in 10 innings.  Yes, this was the same game Homer Bailey took a no-hitter into the 6th...and ended up with a no-decision (he did give up a run however, when he plunked the lead off batter, walked the next, sac bunt, sac fly = 1 run, zero hits).
  4. Brandon Phillips.  Say what?!?!  Didn't he have a phenomenal series, offensively and defensively?  Yes, he did.  However, he made one play that may have turned the tide of the entire series, and it happened early in game 3.  The Reds had just finished taking 2 games, rather convincingly, in San Francisco.  They headed home to Cincinnati needing just one win to move on to the NLCS.  They had not lost three games in a row at home all year.  After Homer Bailey retired the Giants in order in the 1st, Brandon Phillips led off the bottom of the 1st with a single to center.  Business as usual.  With Zack Cozart at the plate, Phillips took off for second and the ball got away from Giants catcher Buster Posey.  As Phillips took a hard turn around 2nd base, I realized it was all for show because even a 7 year old kid knows you do not make the first or third out at 3rd base.  Hey Brandon, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!  NO ONE MAKES THE FIRST OR THIRD...and he did it.  He went.  And he got thrown out.  Since I was there, I know why he went: it was the crowd.  45,000+ people screaming at the same moment has a tendency to make someone do something they might not normally do.  And what the crowd made Brandon do was make a HUGE base running blunder.  Cozart walked.  Votto flew out.  Ludwick singled.  Bruce singled, scoring Cozart.  Rolen struck out.  That's 1 run on 3 hits.  Unacceptable.  The Giants came out of that inning feeling like they had won something.  They had to be thinking "did we really get out of that only giving up one run?"  That also seemed like the moment the Reds' offense stopped.  They would only record one more hit the entire game.  The Giants would record 3 hits in the game, all after there were 2 outs in the 6th inning, and would win.  Talk about a momentum shift.  All because Brandon Phillips got caught up in the crowd in the first inning.  If the Reds go up 2-0 in the 1st, they win that series in 3 games.  Since they didn't, they didn't.  Hey, Brandon, just in case you forgot, never make the first or third out at third base.  Thanks.
The worst part about the Reds' collapse in the playoffs is people will remember 2012 for just that reason.  They won't remember the energy the Reds injected into the people of Cincinnati FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER.  In the past, the Reds have competed, but there always came a time when you knew they would be out of it and going to the ballpark didn't really mean much.  Even in 2010, when they won the Central, you had a feeling the Phillies were just too good.  After Roy Halladay no-hit the Reds in game 1, every one knew they were.  But this year was different.  The Reds had the team.  They had the offense.  They had the pitching.  They had the defense.  They had the bullpen.  They very well could have been the best team in the Majors, on paper.  The only thing the Reds lacked was the moxie to win one game at home, when they had three chances to do so.  Something tells me this winter is going to be a long one.  Can't wait until pitchers and catchers report in February.

Monday, October 8, 2012

The Infamous Infield Fly...

Issue: Was "infield fly" the correct call in the Braves/Cardinals game?

Short Answer: Yes.  And I knew it would take something like this to get me writing again.

Reasoning:  First, let me just say, calm down.  I didn't say I liked the call, I just said it was correct.  And, in order to ascertain why it was correct, we must break down the rule itself.  So, without further ado, Rule 2.00, Definition of Terms, in the Major League Baseball rulebook, states:

An INFIELD FLY is a fair fly ball (not including a line drive nor an attempted bunt) which can be caught by an infielder with ordinary effort, when first and second, or first, second and third bases are occupied, before two are out...When it seems apparent that a batted ball will be an Infield Fly, the umpire shall immediately declare “Infield Fly” for the benefit of the runners....Rule 2.00 (Infield Fly) Comment: On the infield fly rule the umpire is to rule whether the ball could ordinarily have been handled by an infielder —not by some arbitrary limitation such as the grass, or the base lines. The umpire must rule also that a ball is an infield fly, even if handled by an outfielder, if, in the umpire’s judgment, the ball could have been as easily handled by an infielder. The infield fly is in no sense to be considered an appeal play. The umpire’s judgment must govern, and the decision should be made immediately.

Whew.  That certainly sounds like it was written by a bunch of lawyers.  Unfortunately.  So, since I was trained as a lawyer (sort of), I will try to walk you through this a bit.  First, one should notice that the author of this rule used the term "ordinary effort".  I'm not sure someone could come up with a more vague or ambiguous phrase, and that's how you know a lawyer wrote it.  The rule book goes on to define "ordinary effort" as: "the effort that a fielder of average skill at a position in that league or classification of leagues should exhibit on a play, with due consideration given to the condition of the field and weather conditions."  One must then ask if Pete Kozma, the Cardinals shortstop, could have made that play with ordinary effort.  The answer is a resounding YES.  I would expect most high school shortstops (and maybe even Little League shortstops) could catch that ball with ordinary effort.  For a Major League shortstop, that ball should be caught with less than ordinary effort.  And, if you watch the video, Kozma is going after that ball with NO MORE than ordinary effort.  He is not sprinting.  He is not panicking.  He is cruising, waiting to open his back pocket so the ball to fall into it. I think we can all agree on this.  Here is the video just so you can review:



The second thing I notice about the rule is the fact that an infield fly can be called even if the ball is eventually fielded by an OUTFIELDER, if the ball in question "could have been as easily handled by an infielder."  Folks, the ball was being called, with waving arms, by an infielder.  It doesn't matter that the ball fell to the ground in the outfield 225 feet from home plate.  Now, I will play the good lawyer and argue the other side of this.  What if someone hit a sky high fly ball, 300 feet from home plate, which gave an infielder ample time to run all the way out there and call the ball.  Is this an infield fly?  The answer is yes.  HOWEVER, I would like to think most umpires would use their best judgment and not call that an infield fly.  I think the whole situation is implausible in the first place, but, under the rule, the umpire would been absolutely correct if he called it an infield fly.  In the case Friday night, Kozma went 225 feet out to make a play he has made 1,000 times in his life.  He was camped.  He was waving.  If I was the umpire, I would have let the play go, but, it is not the wrong call.

Continuing on, we seem to have a contradiction in the rule and in the comment following the rule.  In the rule it says "[w]hen it seems apparent that a batted ball will be an Infield Fly, the umpire shall immediately declare “Infield Fly” for the benefit of the runners." (emphasis added)  Then, in the comment it states "The umpire’s judgment must govern, and the decision should be made immediately." (emphasis added).  What gives?  Well, when deciphering this rule (or any rule or law) one must look at the actual rule.  The comments are there to help in deciphering the rule.  In this case, when the comment says the decision should be made immediately, it only refers back to the rule that says the call should be made immediately, after it seems apparent that the ball could be fielded by an infielder.  In this case, the umpire had to wait until he saw who was going to take control of the play.  I think if Matt Holliday is doing his job and comes in screaming off Kozma, the umpire lets the play happen.  Since the ump saw Kozma take control, waving his arms, he then called the infield fly rule.  Late, yes.  Correct, yes.  Unfortunate that the ball hit the turf, no question about it.

Finally, as in law school, one must look at the intent of the original rule.  And, I must say, this is the ONLY reason I believe this call was incorrect.  But seriously, are we going to hold umpires to knowing  every rule, and the intent of every rule?  Maybe at the Major League level, but I still think that's a stretch.  The intent of the infield fly rule was this: "To prevent the defense by making a double play by subterfuge, at a time when the offense is helpless to prevent it, rather than by skill or speed."*  Now, there is absolutely zero chance that, if Kozma were to have dropped that ball on purpose, that he would have turned a double play.  In fact, he may have been lucky to get one.  Although, seriously, if he were going to drop it on purpose, he would have done so by letting the ball drop in front of him, therefore ensuring that he got at least one out.  However, the spirit of the rule dictates that it was put into the rulebook to avoid double or triple plays because of trickery.  Under that intent, the call on Friday night was wrong.  Kozma wasn't being tricky.  He mistakenly thought he was being called off by Holliday or he heard the umpire call infield fly which caused him to peel off (possibly thinking it was Holliday calling him off).  As a former ball player, when you are going out to make a play on a pop-up, part of you is just waiting to be called off, because outfielders are taught to take control.  But, I digress.  Umpires aren't taught to take the intent or spirit of the rule into account when making a call.  They are taught the rule and how and when it applies.  Under that logic, the rule was applied correctly, period.

Again, I'm not saying I like the rule.  I'm not saying I like the call (especially because it helped the Cardinals advance...is there any chance they don't ride this to another World Series title?  I hope that isn't the case).  However, everyone crying foul, saying this call was wrong, is, well, wrong.  A bad call and a wrong call are two completely different things.  And this call was not wrong.  Bad, on the other hand?  You be the judge.


*H. Seymour, Baseball: The Early Years (1960)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Hall of Fame Shortstop

Issue: Do you think Barry Larkin is a Hall of Famer?

Short Answer: He certainly is now...

Reasoning: On January 6, 2011, I wrote this piece about Barry Larkin.  It outlines, in detail, how open-and-shut the case is for Larkin being enshrined in Cooperstown.  However, last year, he did not receive enough votes.  This year, he did.  Larkin received over 84% of the vote (only 75% is required).  My question is: what are the other 16% of idiot sportswriters thinking?  I'm not going to regurgitate the same stats as I did in the linked post above, but, if you haven't read it, click on it, and I guarantee you will be convinced that Larkin is not only a Hall of Famer, but one of the greatest shortstops of all time, period.  I thought people realized this, until yesterday, when I got a text from one of my law school buddies that read: "Sorry, I know you are a huge reds fan but I still can't comprehend how Barry Larkin is a Hall of Famer."  (I had to clean up the grammar and spelling a little bit, sorry Mike).  Now, Mike went to Penn State (ouch) and roots for the Yankees (way to be original), so, I don't really take his opinion too seriously.  However, it just reminds me again how people outside of Cincinnati don't appreciate Barry Larkin.  Maybe it's because he played shortstop in the same league as Ozzie Smith for most of his career.  Maybe it's because he played during the heart of the steroid era and didn't hit 60 home runs a year.  Maybe it's because he wasn't the flashiest, didn't talk trash, didn't throw equipment, was well spoken, well educated (although, he did go to Moeller High School, so he can't be that smart), and a son of the greatest city in the world.  Barry Larkin is the first Hall of Famer to be born in Cincinnati (this will change in 2016 when Ken Griffey Jr. is elected, and in 4255 when an MLB Commissioner finally lifts Pete Rose's ban, in the year that matches the number of career hits he has), and this city loves him, for good reason.

Now, I am going to throw out a few more stats, that weren't in my original Barry Larkin post, that prove once again, that he is a Hall of Famer.
  • Model of consistency - Barry Larkin's all-time stats versus/at/during (thanks to my brother Casey, via Lance McAlister's blog):
    • RHP - .293
    • LHP - .299
    • Home - .297
    • Away - .293
    • 1st half - .293
    • 2nd half - .297
    • w/RISP - .298
    • Dome - .297
    • Runners on - .303
    • April - .270 (it's freakin' cold here people!)
    • May - .302
    • June - .303
    • July - .303
    • August - .293
    • September/October - .293
I realize that "consistency" doesn't make you a Hall of Famer, but when you consistently hit .300 anywhere, anytime, you are most certainly one of the best ever.
  • Better than average? - How about we take a look at Barry Larkin's stats versus the rest of the league, during his career (thanks to Jeremy's Facebook page...not a reliable source?  Who cares?):
    • League batting average - .256
      • Barry Larkin batting average - .295
    • League on-base percentage - .317
      • Barry Larkin on-base percentage - .371
    • League slugging percentage - .390
      • Barry Larkin slugging percentage - .444
Barry Larkin is not only one of the best of his generation, he's one of the best of all time.  Barry Larkin is a Hall of Famer, so for all you non-believers, well, kiss Barry's you-know-what.  Or you can just kiss his golden bust in Cooperstown the next time you visit.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

NFL Playoff Outlook

Issue: You failed miserably at that "writing more posts in December" thing, didn't you?

Short Answer: Yes I did.

Reasoning: The holidays are a busy time.  And, when I'm not busy over the holidays, I am very lazy.  Hence the fact that I haven't written a post in over 2 weeks.  I always get ideas, and I even write them down, but then time passes, and I miss my window to write about current events.  No one wants to read a post about an event that happened weeks ago, right?  Plus, blogging (for free, remember) is so easy to put off, and put off, and put off.  Plus, I only have 50+ readers, so there isn't a lot of clamoring going on: "Hey, why hasn't Jason posted on his blog in a while??  I'm really missing reading his posts."  But, I do miss writing sometimes, so, you will have to continue reading...every few weeks or so.

In this post, I will write about, and predict the future of the NFL Playoffs.  How am I qualified to do so?  Well, I'm not, but if an assbag like Chris Berman can do it, then I figure I can too.  But, I will say this: I watch the NFL every weekend, and not just the games on TV.  I follow every game because I am addicted to fantasy football, which also means I am reading about the NFL the other 6 days of the week.  I also won 2 of the 3 fantasy football leagues I was in this year (yes, that is just a shameless plug for me being the best fantasy player on the planet), so, I'm pretty good at this stuff.  Anyway, without further ado, my opinion on the NFL Playoffs:

THE NON-CONTENDERS
  • DENVER BRONCOS - Not only do they have to play Pittsburgh in the first round, their quarterback sucks, terribly.  Tim Tebow finds a way to will his team to victory sometimes, but he has no idea how to lead his team to victory the way he should, by playing quarterback.  I wrote about him earlier, and I refuse to bash him like others do, but, alas, he blows.  The Broncos will get embarrassed in round 1.
  • ATLANTA FALCONS - Wait, they made the playoffs?  Don't they suck?  Yes, they do.  Matt Ryan was the biggest quarterback fantasy bust of the year (except for when I played him in the first round of the playoffs, and he threw for 4 touchdowns), and Michael Turner wasn't his usual self.  Roddy White and Julio Jones are studs, but the Falcons are just an average team with no chance at a Super Bowl.
  • DETROIT LIONS - It's nice to see the Lions back in the playoffs, and it was nice of Matt Stafford to single-handedly win me one of my fantasy leagues.  However, the Lions defense couldn't stop my high school's offense right now, and, by the way, they play the Saints in the first round.  At least the Lions will get to start playing golf next week.
  • HOUSTON TEXANS - Not only do they start a rookie QB, but he started the year as a third-string rookie QB, BEHIND Matt Leinart.  Ouch.  They did sign Jake Delhomme off of his couch, and he played well Sunday, but, in the end, the Texans just don't have the punch to beat the top teams.
  • CINCINNATI BENGALS - This pains me to write, but it's unfortunately true.  As good as Andy Dalton has been this year, a rookie QB just can't take a team like this to the Super Bowl.  I do think we beat the Texans in the first round, but we don't have the offensive power to score with the Patriots, nor the defensive power to stop them.  I can tell you this though - the Bengals are contenders for the next decade.  There are a lot of good young players on this team, and they will only get better.  Who Dey!
THE TWEENERS
  • NEW YORK GIANTS - They have the whole package: a good running game, great receivers, a good quarterback, and a decent defense (they put a lot of pressure on the quarterback).  Remember, they did beat the 18-0 Patriots a few years ago when no one expected them to do anything.  As long as Eli doesn't panic in the pocket and turn the ball over (doubtful at this point), they have a chance to surprise some people.  Remember too that, besides the AFC North, the NFC East is the toughest division in the NFL.  Winning that division is no small feat.  The Giants should be ready to go.  And they get to play the Falcons in the first round.  Might as well have a bye.
  • SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS - For two reasons: defense and Jim Harbaugh.  The Niners defense is tough.  Patrick Willis is probably the best linebacker in the NFL.  Jim Harbaugh has Alex Smith believing he is a good quarterback (what can I say, the man is a miracle worker).  I promise you this, no one wants to play this team.  I don't think they can win the Super Bowl, but, at the beginning of the year, no one thought they would even make the playoffs.  Watch out for these guys.
  • PITTSBURGH STEELERS - Usually the Steelers would be in the "Contenders" category, but not this year.  Rashard Mendenhall is out.  Ben Roethlisberger is gimpy (and fat and ugly).  The defense is beat up, and James Harrison will probably kill someone soon.  They do get a warm-up game in the first round against the Broncos, which will lead to a game with the Ravens or Patriots, both of whom I think beat the Steelers.  I could be wrong, but I just can't get myself to write about the Steelers as a contender.  I don't want to throw up on my keyboard.
THE CONTENDERS
  • NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS - Never has a team with a defense so bad, contended for a Super Bowl.  But, these Patriots can.  Heck, they are the #1 seed in the AFC, so, apparently they are doing something right.  Tom Brady and his offensive weapons (re: Rob Gronkowski, Aaron Hernandez, and Wes Welker) can beat anyone at anytime.  That is, if their defense doesn't give up 100.  I am rooting for them to lose, and lose early (Bengals in round 2????), but it wouldn't surprise me to see them lifting the Vince Lombardi Trophy, once again.
  • BALTIMORE RAVENS - Their defense is getting old, but is still the strong suit of their team, and, defense wins championships.  Ray Rice is a great weapon to have, especially when your quarterback pretty much stinks.  I hate the Ravens more than I hate the Steelers, so that is all I am writing.  If they win the Super Bowl I will be pissed.  Really pissed.
  • GREEN BAY PACKERS - Duh.  This team is unreal.  Aaron Rogers is already one of the best quarterbacks ever.  I love watching him play.  Their running game isn't great, but, really?  They have Aaron Rogers.  Their receivers are great.  Their defense gives up yards but not points.  The Packers are the team to beat, but, the fact that I still have one team left, means I don't think they win the Super Bowl.  In fact, they may not even get there, because...
THE WINNER
  • NEW ORLEANS SAINTS - This team is ridiculous.  Drew Brees is just as good as Aaron Rogers.  Defenses cannot stop the Saints.  Plus, they are a hot team right now.  They are riding high after breaking 6 million NFL records this year.  And, teams that have a first round bye don't do historically well.  The Saints playing in the first round will allow them to stay sharp - perhaps sharper than any of the other teams.  Drew Brees and the Saints will earn their second ring this year, and it will be fun to watch.
There you have it folks!  I have predicted it for you, so there is one thing I can guarantee - it will happen exactly the opposite of the way I said.  That is just the way it goes.  Enjoy the playoffs!!  Who Dey!!